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why teenagers are unknown with the past culture?what solutions there are for resolve it?

why teenagers are unknown with the past culture? what solutions there are for resolve it? ljxE1
Fortunately or unfortunately, the modern young people unknown with the past generation. there are several reasons for occurring this event. In this essay I want to survey the reasons of this happening and give solutions for change it. The first reason, and in my opinion the most important for it is development of technology, and advent of communicating gadget such as smart phone, tablet, etc. These instruments has made easy the young people access to information about other traditions from all around the world. When they familiar with other culture, there is likely that they enthusiasm gradually to that culture. Furthermore, the shortage of right informing through parents to children, also has influence in get distance them from original traditions. Nonetheless, there are solutions for changing it. The first solution is government’s support for propagation culture and traditions related with that nation. For instance, it can explain the past positive traditions to new generation through social media, TV, magazine, and familiar them with the past cultures. Another solution, in my view is restrict of publishing culture of one nation in another country through the rules. In addition, the parents also, can explain to children about the their past traditions, and familiar them with the past culture. By way of conclusion, however, the present of new technologies such as smart phone has made easy adolescent access to every information about other cultures that this happening perhaps lead to change traditions in new generation. Nevertheless, government notification through social media and TV likewise, familiar children through parent, also, can help to change this situation.
Fortunately
or unfortunately, the modern young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
unknown with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
generation.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
there
are several reasons for occurring this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
. In this essay I want to survey the reasons of this happening and give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
it.

The
first
reason, and in my opinion the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for it is development of technology, and advent of communicating gadget such as smart phone, tablet, etc. These instruments
You should probably use "have", "haven".
has
made easy the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
access to information about other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
from all around the world. When they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
familiar
with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, there is likely that
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'they'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
they enthusiasm
gradually
to that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
Furthermore
, the shortage of right informing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
parents to children,
also
has influence in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
distance them from original traditions.

Nonetheless, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
for changing it. The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
’s support for propagation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
related with that nation.
For instance
, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
to new generation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
social media, TV, magazine, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
familiar
them with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
, in my view is
Consider using a past participle here: "restricted".
restrict
of publishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of one nation in another country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
.
In addition
, the parents
also
, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
to children about the their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
familiar
them with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
culture.

By way of conclusion,
however
, the present of new technologies such as smart phone has made easy adolescent access to every information about other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
that this happening perhaps lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
in new generation.
Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
notification
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
social media and TV
likewise
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
familiar
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
parent,
also
, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
this situation.
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IELTS essay why teenagers are unknown with the past culture? what solutions there are for resolve it?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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