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Why fast-food is important or not to our health?

Why fast-food is important or not to our health? 8aqKw
In some states mostly people have difficulties in the health with eating fast food too much. Government need to rise a tax on this food. I strongly agree with it that the government need to rise a tax. In the following paradraphs i am going to show the reasons of my agreements with examples and somehow the reasons of my disagreements. Firstly, fast food products contain chemicals that may not be noticeable to humans. But the human immune system requires nutritious food. Excessive consumption of fast food leads to gastric disease. Secondly, in ancient times people wer healthier than now. Because there was no fast food at that time. I think, in one side, it depends on a person eating right and healthy. For instance, today, high blood pressure, stroke and other serious illnesses are on the rise. On the other hand, there is some beneficial sides of fast food. We do not waste our time for cooking food at home. In some reasons we save our time by purchasing food while in a hurry. As a result by buying it other tasks are also performed on time. To sum up, it is good to increase the price of fast food, which can be seen for the above reasons. If the tax price were added to the product, people would have consumed healthier foods rather than buying them.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
states
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have difficulties in the health with eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
too much.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
need to rise a tax on this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with it that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
need to rise a tax. In the following
Possible spelling mistake found.
paradraphs
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
am going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
of my agreements with examples and somehow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
of my disagreements.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
products contain chemicals that may not be noticeable to humans.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the human immune system requires nutritious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. Excessive consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
leads to gastric disease.

Secondly
, in ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
wer
healthier than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
there was no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
at that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, in one side, it depends on a person eating right and healthy.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, high blood pressure, stroke and other serious illnesses are on the rise.

On the other hand
, there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
beneficial sides of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. We do not waste our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for cooking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
at home. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
we save our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by purchasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
while in a hurry.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a result by buying it other tasks are
also
performed on time.

To sum up, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to increase the price of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
for the above
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
. If the tax price were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to the product,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would have consumed healthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
rather
than buying them.
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IELTS essay Why fast-food is important or not to our health?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
228 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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