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why do you want this scholarship? And why do choose our school? discuss your reasons

why do you want this scholarship? And why do choose our school? discuss your reasons wB7ll
The teacher plays a vital role in educating and shaping the future of our society. Unfortunately, teachers are losing its reputation due to poor quality and the amount of money they make as a living. The majority of people have a tendency to underrate the values of being a teacher which I strongly disagree with. I've wanted to become a teacher and I think it is time to redeem the value of the teachers and I'm willing to contribute in my own way. The Tomujin Alternative School will be the best fit for me. It offers not only programmes that differs from the traditional programmes and provide me with the hands-on training, but also teach me about real life skills and communication. In addition to just programmes, I strive to work with a group of people who works as a team. The people around you have a huge influence on your perspectives, growth and probability of success. I'm willing to surround myself with positive, hard working and dedicated students who will influence each other in a good way. Learning from your mistakes is one of the most important skill to have in life. To take myself as an example, I was so dependent to the point where I would do my homework and projects just to show the teachers and to get a good grade. I was reluctant to do extra works and put effort in education until I realized I was following the wrong path and decided to work on my weaknesses. For instance, I have been studying German on my own through the apps and the sources of information on the Internet and I have been improving my English step by step since then. I learned to put a lot of effort, time and dedication to what I'm doing. In other words, I became dedicated and independent. Winning this scholarship would help me to be one step closer to my ultimate goal and I will do what it takes to achieve it.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
plays a vital role in educating and shaping the future of our society. Unfortunately,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are losing its reputation due to poor quality and the amount of money they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
as a living. The majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have a tendency to underrate the values of being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
which I
strongly
disagree with. I've wanted to become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is time to redeem the value of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and I'm willing to contribute in my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way.

The
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tomujin
Alternative School will be the best fit for me. It offers not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
that differs from the traditional
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
and provide me with the hands-on training,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
teach me about real life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and communication.
In addition
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
, I strive to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with a group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who works as a team. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around you have a huge influence on your perspectives, growth and probability of success. I'm willing to surround myself with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
,
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
and dedicated students who will influence each other in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way.

Learning from your mistakes is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
Please check whether a plural form of 'skill' should be used.
skill
to have in life. To take myself as an example, I was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
dependent to the point where I would do my homework and projects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grade. I was reluctant to do extra works and put effort in education until I realized I was following the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
path and decided to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on my weaknesses.
For instance
, I have been studying German on my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
through the apps and the sources of information on the Internet and I have been improving my English step by step since then. I learned to put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
effort, time and dedication to what I'm doing.
In other words
, I became dedicated and independent.

Winning this scholarship would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me to be one step closer to my ultimate goal and I will do what it takes to achieve it.
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IELTS essay why do you want this scholarship? And why do choose our school? discuss your reasons

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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