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Why do you think people go to restaurants when they want to celebrate something? Which are more popular in your country: fast food restaurants or traditional restaurant? Why do you think that is? Some people say that food in an expensive restaurant is always v.1

Why do you think people go to restaurants when they want to celebrate something? Which are more popular in your country: fast food restaurants or traditional restaurant? Why do you think that is? Some people say that food in an expensive restaurant is always v. 1
A dramatic increase has been observed in the consumption of fast foods since the last decade, which has adversely affected the health of the people. Therefore, some individuals think that government should impose taxes on unhealthy eating items to reduce their intake among public. I do not agree with this view and will discuss about it in further paragraphs of the essay. Diets play a vital role in maintaining our well-being, thus, it is necessary to take naturally produced foodstuffs. Nowadays, most of the couples are working and they prefer to have ready made meals as they do not have enough time to cook their meals at their homes. Despite knowing the negative consequences of these foods, they consume them as they are tastier as well as cheaper than organic foods. Consequently, imposing taxes will increase the costs of regular foodstuffs and put extra burdens on numerous sections of the society. Another thing is that most of the fast food lovers are young children who do not need to pay for themselves, therefore, elevation of prices would not prevent them from buying. Furthermore, richer ones have no need to bother about the prices as they have a lot of money, so, adding taxes on these eatables will not solve this problem. Nevertheless, authorities should take other measures such as reducing the prices of nutritional foodstuffs to make them affordable to all and start fitness campaigns to make people aware about the benefits of nutritious eatables. This will eventually divert the interest of citizens towards a healthier regime. To conclude, I would say that there will be no benefit of putting taxes on unhealthy eateries as it will only affect the budget of the common people. Government can make folks enlightened about the advantages of having an active physique by starting awareness campaigns and lowering the costs of nutritious food items.
A dramatic increase has
been observed
in the consumption of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
since the last decade, which has
adversely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the health of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should impose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
on unhealthy eating items to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their intake among public. I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view and will
Did you mean simply "discuss it"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about it
in
further
paragraphs of the essay.

Diets play a vital role in maintaining our well-being,
thus
, it is necessary to take
naturally
produced foodstuffs. Nowadays, most of the couples are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
working and
they prefer to have
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
ready made
meals as they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to cook their meals at their homes. Despite knowing the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, they consume them as they are tastier
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
well as cheaper than organic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
.
Consequently
, imposing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
will increase the costs of regular foodstuffs and put extra burdens on numerous sections of the society.

Another thing is that most of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
lovers are young children who do not need to pay for themselves,
therefore
, elevation of prices would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from buying.
Furthermore
, richer ones have no need to bother about the prices as they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, adding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
on these eatables will not solve this problem.
Nevertheless
, authorities should take other measures such as reducing the prices of nutritional foodstuffs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them affordable to all and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
fitness campaigns to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
aware about the benefits of nutritious eatables. This will
eventually
divert the interest of citizens towards a healthier regime.

To conclude
, I would say that there will be no benefit of putting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
on unhealthy eateries as it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affect the budget of the common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
folks enlightened about the advantages of having an active physique by starting awareness campaigns and lowering the costs of nutritious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Why do you think people go to restaurants when they want to celebrate something? Which are more popular in your country: fast food restaurants or traditional restaurant? Why do you think that is? Some people say that food in an expensive restaurant is always v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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