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who do you think benefits most from surveillance: government, companies or individuals? What are the danger of too much surveillance?

who do you think benefits most from surveillance: government, companies or individuals? What are the danger of too much surveillance? m37Wd
In my opinion, monitoring all three sides of the government, companies and individuals is beneficial, but I support the idea that the government is most beneficial in monitoring. Today, surveillance is quite common and the government's greatest interest in this action is to ensure the general safety and order of society. For example, in many countries, surveillance cameras have been widely installed throughout the streets to monitor and detect violations. The government and the state can promptly handle and detect dangers to citizens. One of the other reasons I want to say is that when there is supervision, each individual has a sense of compliance with national laws, making the society more civilized and the country more developed. However, too much surveillance also has many negative sides. The first thing to mention is that the monitoring is too strict, losing the freedom and privacy of each individual. All actions and images of people recorded everywhere may violate privacy rights, a right that human beings should be respected. Therefore, supervision has both advantages for security and social order, but too much and too strict supervision will cause loss of citizens' freedom, so supervision should be balanced and at a low level. medium.
In my opinion, monitoring all three sides of the
government
,
companies
and individuals is beneficial,
but
I support the
idea
that the
government
is most beneficial in monitoring.
Today
, surveillance is quite common and the
government
's greatest interest in this action is to ensure the general safety and order of society.
For example
, in
many
countries, surveillance cameras have been
widely
installed throughout the streets to monitor and detect violations. The
government
and the state can
promptly
handle and detect
dangers
to citizens. One of the other reasons I want to say is that when there is
supervision
, each individual has a sense of compliance with national laws, making the society more civilized and the country more developed.

However
, too much surveillance
also
has
many
negative
sides. The
first
thing to mention is that the monitoring is too strict, losing the freedom and privacy of each individual. All actions and images of
people
recorded everywhere may violate privacy rights, a right that human beings should
be respected
.

Therefore
,
supervision
has both advantages for security and social order,
but
too much and too strict
supervision
will cause loss of citizens' freedom,
so
supervision
should
be balanced
and at a low level.
medium
.
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IELTS essay who do you think benefits most from surveillance: government, companies or individuals? What are the danger of too much surveillance?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
201 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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