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Whether museums should charge people for admission?

Whether museums should charge people for admission? gA93a
Nowadays, an increasing number of people are concerned about museums' functions for us. Whether museums should charge people for admission has caused heated debate. In my view, museums can or even ought to charge visitors for admission. First, it is obvious that people will gain more knowledge from museums if they have spent money on admission. This is because people always focus more seriously on what costs their money, which is valuable to them. So the museums charging for admission will help people obtain more knowledge after visiting, which can better improve the public cultural quality. Moreover, the museum needs funds to repair and renovate treasures collected in it. For example, there are only a few ancient Chinese silk clothes kept in the Forbidden City. They are beautiful but vulnerable, which can be impaired easily. So the museum needs experts and money to preserve them. If the museums charge visitors for admission, they will have enough funds to preserve the treasures of human kind. However, that is not to say that there exist no disadvantages to charging for admission. Most people prefer visiting museums without spending money and the museums will attract less tourists if they charge for admission, which marginally goes against the improvement of public cultural quality. But still, the advantages outweigh its disadvantages. In sum, most museums should charge visitors for admission. Meanwhile, the government should also serve some free local museums. Only in this way can museums ultimately play vital rules in people's daily life.
Nowadays, an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are concerned
about museums' functions for us. Whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
has caused heated debate. In my view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
can or even ought to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charge
visitors for admission.

First
, it is obvious that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will gain more knowledge from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
if they have spent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always focus more
seriously
on what costs their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, which is valuable to them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
charging for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
obtain more knowledge after visiting, which can better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the public cultural quality.

Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
needs funds to repair and renovate treasures collected in it.
For example
, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few ancient Chinese silk clothes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in the Forbidden City. They are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
vulnerable, which can
be impaired
easily
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
needs experts and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to preserve them. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charge
visitors for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
, they will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
funds to preserve the treasures of human kind.

However
,
that is
not to say that there exist no disadvantages to charging for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
without spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
will attract
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun tourists is countable.
less
tourists if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charge
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
, which
marginally
goes against the improvement of public cultural quality.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
still
, the advantages outweigh its disadvantages.

In sum, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charge
visitors for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
. Meanwhile, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
also
serve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
free local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
in this way can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
ultimately
play vital
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's daily life.
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IELTS essay Whether museums should charge people for admission?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
249 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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