Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

When it comes to spare time, opinions are varied on what actions are more beneficial?

When it comes to spare time, opinions are varied on what actions are more beneficial? L96J6
When it comes to spare time, opinions are varied on what actions are more beneficial? In the response to the question, a number of experts have offered three ways including taking part-time jobs, professional physical exercise, learning to play musical instruments Among these factors, I think that the first option stands up as a critical place. I will elaborate on my reasons in the following paragraphs. To begin with. taking part-time jobs helps students to be more employable. In the fast-paced world, there is fierce competition in the job market. In this condition, having more knowledge and skills leads to having a competitive edge and helps them to get better occupational positions. On other hand, most courses of the university have been focused on theoretical aspects rather than practical ones, hence undergraduates are rarely aware of how to use this information in the real world. Taking temporary occupation assists them to correct misunderstandings. In addition, it leads to stimulate their interest. Scholars always hesitate to learn new things, when working, they attempt to find answers to their questions through various ways such as looking for in web site and asking questions from others. My personal experience is a good example. When I studied accounting in college, took a job in a car manufacturing company. I learned how to enter financial events in the ledger and how to calculate salary tax. It help me to enrich my resume and found a good job after graduating. Admittedly learning music and sport play a great role in our lives and help us to keep healthy and relieve stress_ But it is dispensable facts that students interests are extremely different from each other. In addition, they rarely have the same talent. Hence it is no advantage to spend time learning art or playing sport. Because it is impossible to continue. On the contrary, Students choose an academic field based on their own interests. Besides above mentioned. taking part-time jobs held to boost personal development. Obviously, students get acquainted with a number of people who have different experiences and backgrounds. interacting with these employees alow them to select characteristics and attitude of people that they like that seems to be helpful in future life.
When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to spare time, opinions
are varied
on what actions are more beneficial? In the response to the question, a number of experts have offered three ways including taking part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, professional physical exercise, learning to play musical instruments Among these factors, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
first
option stands up as a critical place. I will elaborate on my reasons in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
taking
part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to be more employable. In the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced world, there is fierce competition in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market. In this condition, having more knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
leads to having a competitive edge and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better occupational positions. On other hand, most courses of the university have
been focused
on theoretical aspects
rather
than practical ones,
hence
undergraduates are rarely aware of how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this information in the real world. Taking temporary occupation assists them to correct misunderstandings.
In addition
, it leads to stimulate their interest. Scholars always hesitate to learn new things, when working, they attempt to find answers to their questions through various ways such as looking for in
Did you mean "website"?
web site
and asking questions from others. My personal experience is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example. When I studied accounting in college, took a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in a car manufacturing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. I learned how to enter financial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in the ledger and how to calculate salary tax. It
Did you mean "helps"?
help
me to enrich my resume and found a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
after graduating.

Admittedly
learning music and sport play a great role in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
healthy and relieve stress_
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it is dispensable facts that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
interests are
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from each other.
In addition
, they rarely have the same talent.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
it is no advantage to spend time learning art or playing sport.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
it is impossible to continue.
On the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
choose an academic field based on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
interests.

Besides
above mentioned.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
taking
part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
held to boost personal development.
Obviously
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
acquainted with a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
experiences and backgrounds.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
interacting
with these employees
Possible spelling mistake found.
alow
them to select characteristics and attitude of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that they like that seems to be helpful in future life.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay When it comes to spare time, opinions are varied on what actions are more beneficial?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
368 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts