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What should people do with their money?

What should people do with their money? qkNaa
It is argued if people should apend their money when they have earned it however other individuals have a different point of view on it who believe earned money should be saved. This essay agrees with that money has to be saved because to not buy unnecessary materialistic things and for doing further investments in the future. Firstly, earned money should not be spend on unnecessary materialistic things. This can cause financial difficulties for an individual due to the fact that an individual does not earn enough money to live comfortably in this lifestyle of luxury. In addition materialism does not make sure that eventually someones income can grow rather than to buy unnecessary luxury things for enjoyment. For instance a person could buy a luxury bagpack although he might have two models already of this particular luxury bagpack in his ownership. Unless an individual is capable of funding a luxurious lifestyle easily, money should not be spend on not needed materialistic products. Secondly, the money of men and women can be saved for investments in the future. A person has in his mind to have as much money available to him when he is in retirement. Investments in stocks or other financial areas could be a huge support of growing the money of an Individual. Furthermore, it is the intention of a father, mother or as a family to provide for the needs of your relatives therefore investments for a much higher return is an effective way and enormous outcome. For example money could be invested in stocks of major companies and a couple of years later a tremendous amount of money is generated through investments. To conclude, it should be considered to not buy unnecessary materialistic products as well to save money to invest in stocks, businesses, properties etc. . It is in the best interest of someone to have as much money available to provide and to assist for relatives.
It
is argued
if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
Possible spelling mistake found.
apend
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
when they have earned it
however
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
point of view on it who believe earned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should
be saved
. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be saved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
to not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unnecessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materialistic
things and for doing
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investments
in the future.

Firstly
, earned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should not be
Consider using a past participle here: "spent".
spend
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unnecessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materialistic
things. This can cause financial difficulties for an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
due to the fact that an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
does not earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
comfortably
in this lifestyle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
luxury
. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
materialism does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that
eventually
someones income can grow
rather
than to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unnecessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
luxury
things for enjoyment.
For instance
a person could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
luxury
Possible spelling mistake found.
bagpack
although he might have two models already of this particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
luxury
Possible spelling mistake found.
bagpack
in his ownership. Unless an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
is capable of funding a luxurious lifestyle
easily
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should not be
Consider using a past participle here: "spent".
spend
on not needed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materialistic
products.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women can
be saved
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investments
in the future. A person has in his mind to have as much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
available to him when he is in retirement.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Investments
in stocks or other financial areas could be a huge support of growing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Individual
.
Furthermore
, it is the intention of a father, mother or as a family to provide for the needs of your relatives
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investments
for a much higher return is an effective way and enormous outcome.
For example
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
could
be invested
in stocks of major
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and a couple of years later a tremendous amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is generated
through investments.

To conclude
, it should
be considered
to not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unnecessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materialistic
products
as well
to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to invest in stocks, businesses, properties etc.
Two consecutive dots
.
It is in the best interest of someone to have as much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
available to provide and to assist for relatives.
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IELTS essay What should people do with their money?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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