Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

What historical event in your country has had a major effect on your country?Give reasons and examples to support your response.

What historical event in your country has had a major effect on your country? Give reasons and examples to support your response. 56NAP
I am Indonesian citizen and proud being it. I love the liberty for delivering my opinion freely or without anxiety because my country has its independence since 1945. It means had been 67 years ago. Thus, today, it becomes one of memorial event which brings right and obligation for every person around me and develops economic and builds law independently. Hence, we make merry every year. After my country is being independent, I ever read historical book which explains more about it. There are many office like House of Representative Building, Bank, and so on in the center of city, which is built by society and architect. People like young and adult also get well education in school who builds by colony before. However, there are many historical building from colony like college and the street name that still exist. Hence, it needs repair to make it better and well-looked. The building is being reconstructive and appear symbol that representative Indonesian characteristic, for example the roof top of the building is changes, become more traditional such as Rumah Joglo as symbol of Javanese people. Beside all of above, government make policy and develop economy aspect. The aspect is consist of the role of trading, regulation of transportation, national income, and so on. All of it causes policy in every aspect more strict. We should comply with it, for example in transportation aspect. The minister of transportation states that every people who want to buy their own-car should have garage in house. Also the life cycle use of car is not more than five years. It all policy is made to reduce air pollution and decrease traffic-jam. Furthermore, being independent makes people have their own right and obligation. People can complain and obtain their own right if they feel suffer. For instance, when I bought car in official-dealer, I have got some trouble in fuel while I drove. The advertise told me that the fuel of that car is used for 10 liters/km. In fact, I spent 7 liters/km. I felt like suffer so I made complain to the dealer and also the institution which handled and protected consumer right. To sum up, I personally state that independent-day is the memorial event in my country. Thus, we celebrate it every year royally.
I
Please check whether an article is missing: "am a Indonesian" or "am an Indonesian"
am Indonesian
citizen and proud being it. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
the liberty for delivering my opinion
freely
or without anxiety
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
my country has its independence since 1945. It means had been 67 years ago.
Thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, it becomes one of memorial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
which brings right and obligation for every person around me and develops economic and builds law
independently
.
Hence
, we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
merry every year.

After my country is being independent, I ever read historical book which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
more about it. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
office like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
House
of Representative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Building
, Bank, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on in the center of city, which
is built
by society and architect.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
like young and adult
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
well education in school who builds by colony
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
from colony like college and the street name that
still
exist.
Hence
, it needs repair to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
it better and well-looked. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
is being reconstructive and appear symbol that representative Indonesian characteristic,
for example
the roof top of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
, become more traditional such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Rumah
Possible spelling mistake found.
Joglo
as symbol of Javanese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Beside
Consider using "all above" or "all of the above".
all of above
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
policy and develop economy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspect
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspect
is consist of the role of trading, regulation of transportation, national income, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. All of it causes policy in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspect
more strict. We should comply with it,
for example
in transportation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspect
. The minister of transportation states that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
-car should have garage in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
the life cycle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of car is not more than five years. It all policy
is made
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
air pollution and decrease traffic-jam.

Furthermore
, being independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
right and obligation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can complain and obtain their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
right if they feel suffer.
For instance
, when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
car in official-dealer, I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
trouble in fuel while I drove. The
The word 'advertise' is a verb. Did you mean the noun "advertisement"?
advertise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me that the fuel of that car is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for 10 liters/km. In fact, I spent 7 liters/km. I felt like suffer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I made complain to the dealer and
also
the institution which handled and protected consumer right.

To sum up, I
personally
state that independent-day is the memorial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
in my country.
Thus
, we celebrate it every year
royally
.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay What historical event in your country has had a major effect on your country? Give reasons and examples to support your response.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
381 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • What historical event in your country has had a major effect on your country?Give reasons and examples to support your response.