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What factors are related to academic success in high school students? Write at least 250 words.

High school is a critical time in the life of young people. On the one hand, teenagers are eager to enjoy their freedom and independence. On the other hand, they must be disciplined enough to keep their priorities straight. In my opinion, three social institutions impact high school students the most at this vulnerable time the family, peer group and school. First, the family plays the central role by providing the backdrop in a young persons life. A positive family environment provides love, support and encouragement for the student to do his/her best. Simultaneously, the family aims to instill discipline and ambition in the child. The influence and expectations of family members remain paramount at this time and throughout a young person's life. Second, as a child turns into a teenager, the peer group begins to play an increasingly important role in his/her life. The friendships one develops at this highly sensitive stage can affect ones attitude to studies, authority, society and the world. In the right company, young people can get involved in positive activities that support their academic performance. With the wrong crowd, teenagers could develop a host of unhealthy and dangerous habits which impact not only their grades but all aspects of their lives. Lastly, the school itself is a deciding factor in the student's academic success. A variety of elements determine how the students feel about school: the teachers, the staff, the facilities, the subjects, the text books, the method of instruction and more. All of these have a significant impact on the young persons motivation to excel. In conclusion, high school success is the product of various influences. We are all fortunate that, aside from a few unfortunate exceptions, the majority of students worldwide aspire to do well and grow up to become active and healthy participants in the world around them.
High
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is a critical time in the life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. On the one hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are eager to enjoy their freedom and independence.
On the other hand
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be disciplined
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their priorities straight. In my opinion, three social institutions impact high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
the most at this vulnerable time the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, peer group and school.

First
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
plays the central role by providing the backdrop in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
An apostrophe may be missing.
persons
life. A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
environment provides
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, support and encouragement for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to do his/her best.
Simultaneously
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
aims to instill discipline and ambition in the child. The influence and expectations of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members remain paramount at this time and throughout a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
person's life.

Second, as a child turns into a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
, the peer group
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
to play an
increasingly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in his/her life. The friendships one develops at this
highly
sensitive stage can affect
Did you mean “one’s”?
ones
attitude to studies, authority, society and the world. In the right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
activities that support their academic performance. With the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
crowd,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
could develop a host of unhealthy and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
habits which impact not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their grades
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
all aspects of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Lastly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
itself is a deciding factor in the student's academic success. A variety of elements determine how the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
feel about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
: the teachers, the staff, the facilities, the subjects, the text books, the method of instruction and more. All of these have a significant impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
An apostrophe may be missing.
persons
motivation to excel.

In conclusion
, high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
success is the product of various influences. We are all fortunate that, aside from a few unfortunate exceptions, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
worldwide aspire to do well and grow up to become active and healthy participants in the world around them.
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IELTS essay What factors are related to academic success in high school students?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
307 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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