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what do you think werw the advantages and disadvantages of living in a small community ?

what do you think werw the advantages and disadvantages of living in a small community? JPrw
Until recently, the majority of people lived in the village where they were born. However, now people tend to live in large cities and, as a result, the way people live has changed. There were a number of benefits to living in a small village. Firstly, people knew each other and, in the village my grandparents came from, everyone spoke to everyone else, so no one ever felt lonely. Secondly, there was always someone to look after the children and to teach them good behaviour, so children grew up being polite and respectful. Also, they could play safely in the street, and there was little crime. It was a simple like but everyone was happy. However, there were a number of disadvantages. The nearest primary school was in the next village and the nearest secondary school in the town some miles away. This meant that most children did not get a good education and most people had to work in agriculture. If young people were ambitious, they had to move away from the village, and few people had the chance to do this. Also when someone was ill, it was a long way to the nearest hospital. All in all, I think people from grandparent's generation were happier. However, in the modern world, with all possibilities which exist today, I think it is a pity to be limited to a small village nowadays there are more advantages to living and a large city.
Until recently, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
village
where they
were born
.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in large cities and,
as a result
, the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
. There were a number of benefits to living in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
village
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
knew each other and, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
village
my grandparents came from, everyone spoke to everyone else,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
no one ever felt lonely.
Secondly
, there was always someone to look after the children and to teach them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
children grew up being polite and respectful.
Also
, they could play
safely
in the street, and there was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
crime. It was a simple like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
everyone was happy.
However
, there were a number of disadvantages. The nearest primary school was in the
next
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village
and the nearest secondary school in the town
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
miles away. This meant that most children did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
education and most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had to work in agriculture. If young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were ambitious, they had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
away from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
village
, and few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had the chance to do this.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
when someone was ill, it was a long way to the nearest hospital. All in all, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from grandparent's generation were happier.
However
, in the modern world, with all possibilities which exist
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is a pity to
be limited
to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
village
nowadays there are more advantages to living and a large city.
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IELTS essay what do you think werw the advantages and disadvantages of living in a small community?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
243 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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