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What do you think attracts people to remote and/or wild places?

What do you think attracts people to remote and/or wild places? VraBw
Remote or wild places attracts a lot of people, mainly tourists, so today we are looking at the reason why people choose to go to remote or wild places. Firstly, it’s about the scenery, wild places like mountains, seas, forests have incredible, breath-taking scenery. For example, the Telluride Mountain in Colorado, with two cliffs on both side and the fall-like greenery, attracts many people there. Secondly, many people want to escape the bustling, crowding cities to come to rural, quiet corners of remote places to relax. Surely you want to escape the noise of cars or even your own neighbours singing at dead of night, so going to Hachijō Island in Japan, for example, would be great because this island is quite untouched. Thirdly and lastly, some people go to remote places for extreme sports such as bungee-jumping, skiing, or mountain-climbing, and many wild places are suitable for their tastes, for example, Valle Verzasca in Switzerland, or Jackson in Wyoming, and Mount. Everest. All in all, a lot of people are attracted to remote places or wild ones mainly from the pleasure of seeing the best scenery nature has to offer and relaxation from busy cities.
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Remote
or wild
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places
attracts
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a lot of
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people
,
mainly
tourists,
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so
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today
we are looking at the reason why
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people
choose to go to
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remote
or wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
Firstly
, it’s about the scenery, wild
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places
like mountains, seas, forests have incredible, breath-taking scenery.
For example
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Telluride
Mountain in Colorado, with two cliffs on both side and the fall-like greenery, attracts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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people
there.
Secondly
,
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many
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people
want to escape the bustling, crowding cities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to rural, quiet corners of
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remote
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places
to relax.
Surely
you want to escape the noise of cars or even your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
singing at dead of night,
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so
going to
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Hachijō
Island in Japan,
for example
, would be great
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because
this island is quite untouched.
Thirdly
and
lastly
,
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some
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people
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
for extreme sports such as bungee-jumping, skiing, or mountain-climbing, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
are suitable for their tastes,
for example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Valle
Possible spelling mistake found.
Verzasca
in Switzerland, or Jackson in Wyoming, and Mount. Everest. All in all,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are attracted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
or wild ones
mainly
from the pleasure of seeing the best scenery nature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
offer and relaxation from busy cities.
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IELTS essay What do you think attracts people to remote and/or wild places?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
196 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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