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what do you think about advertisement

what do you think about advertisement KyQ0k
In today world we are surrounded by advertisements, we can see them on television, in the streets and shops, on the websites and even on our mobile screens. Unfortunately, there is no way to avoid it and somehow we all are forced to watch them. Adverts can cause the distraction, for instance you may receive a SMS while you are working or during a tuitional video on YouTube you have to watch advertisements. Not only does it distract but also it leads people to consumption. To be more clear, advertising creates false needs which are not necessary and will encourages people to spend money on inessential products, for instance young people specially girls by watching advertisements about new clothing styles or make-up products, … which they do not really need it. In addition most of youngsters cannot afford as they are too young to have money themselves, so they rather ask for money from their parents to buy those objects or feel despair because they could not have what they desire to. Despite the fact advertisements help companies to grow faster and introduce their new products, I believe adverts need to be limited and there should be some particular spaces for that. At the same time some of advertisements should be completely banned like the ones which are about sex or alcohol or cigarette as long as there is not any safe solution to prevent children not to see them. In conclusion, advertisements in many points damage the society and in my point of view there is no point of having them in todays world.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
world we
are surrounded
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
them on television, in the streets and shops, on the websites and even on our mobile screens.

Unfortunately, there is no way to avoid it and somehow we all
are forced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
them. Adverts can cause the distraction,
for instance
you may receive
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
SMS while you are working or during a
Possible spelling mistake found.
tuitional
video on YouTube you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does it distract
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it leads
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to consumption.

To be more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
, advertising creates false needs which are not necessary and will encourages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to spend money on inessential products,
for instance
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
specially
girls by watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
about new clothing styles or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
-up products, … which they do not
really
need it.

In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the youngsters") or simply say "most youngsters".
most of youngsters
cannot afford as they are too young to have money themselves,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
rather
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
money from their parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
those objects or feel despair
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they could not have what they desire to.

Despite the fact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to grow faster and introduce their new products, I believe adverts need to
be limited
and there should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
particular spaces for that. At the same time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
should be completely banned like the ones which are about sex or alcohol or cigarette as long as there is not any safe solution to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
children not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
them.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
points damage the society and in my point of view there is no point of having them in
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
world.
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IELTS essay what do you think about advertisement

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
265 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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