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What do you see as the main reasons for gender inequality in the workplace?

What do you see as the main reasons for gender inequality in the workplace? YLk0r
In various sectors, inequality between working men and women is a well-known fact. Theoretically all employers agree that women and men are equal although in practice they avoid to behave on this base. Women face unequal pay, sexual harassment, less promotion, fear of asking to be paid what they’re worth in their workplaces. First of all, it’s a well-known fact that mostly women be paid less than man in same position even though there isn’t any performance discrepancy. Women surpass men about education however women are not asking the salary that they are worth it by reason of not to be seemed as a greedy or desperate, yet men have no fear like this. Secondly, women promoted less than men and to justify this employers assert invalid reasons like parental leave not loudly but in deep. Another basic however true reason is stereotypes in employers mindset. As a result, to help curb inequality in the workplaces, all people be aware of main reasons and take a stand against these kind of unfairness.
In various sectors, inequality between working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
is a well-known fact.
Theoretically
all employers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are equal although in practice they
The verb 'avoid' is used with the gerund form: "avoid behaving".
avoid to behave
on this base.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
face unequal pay, sexual harassment, less promotion, fear of asking to
be paid
what they’re worth in their workplaces.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it’s a well-known fact that
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
be paid
less than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
in same position
even though
there isn’t any performance discrepancy.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
surpass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
about education
however
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are not asking the salary that they are worth it by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
of not to
be seemed
as a greedy or desperate,
yet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
have no fear like this.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
promoted less than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and to justify
Did you mean "these"?
this
employers assert invalid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
like parental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
not
loudly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in deep. Another basic
however
true
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is stereotypes in employers mindset.

As a result
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
curb inequality in the workplaces, all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
be aware of main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
and take a stand against
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of unfairness.
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IELTS essay What do you see as the main reasons for gender inequality in the workplace?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
172 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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