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What do I want most in life?

What do I want most in life? 6adB3
Teach, share and empower together. Every time I see these words from posters, photos, and ads or hear this from videos, voice recordings, and people, I know that their purpose is to make the world a better place. It's been a year since I started teaching lessons to students. High ambitious kid with slow specs computer always teaches his lessons on a weekend morning. The PC was beeping as I impatiently waiting it to start. After making me gaze at the sky for approximately 1 hour and 30 minutes, the desktop finally began to respond. I quickly logged into it and opened up google meet to prepare for the teaching session. During the lesson, one of my students didn’t understand what I just taught. Suddenly, another student opened his mic and explained the lesson concisely. I was both amazed and happy about him explaining to others. He took a long time to prepare, wasn’t teaching perfectly and disrupted his speech. Still, he made the other student to understand it. I just don’t want a person to become empowered. Instead, I want a person to be sharing and giving values to others, causing others and themselves to grow.
Teach, share and empower together. Every time I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
these words from posters, photos, and ads or hear this from videos, voice recordings, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, I know that their purpose is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the world a better place.

It's been a year since I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. High ambitious kid with slow
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "specs'" or "spec's"?
specs
computer always teaches his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
on a weekend morning.

The PC was beeping as I
impatiently
waiting it to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
. After making me gaze at the sky for approximately 1 hour and 30 minutes, the desktop
finally
began to respond. I
quickly
logged into it and opened up google
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
to prepare for the teaching session.

During the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
, one of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
didn’t understand what I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
taught.
Suddenly
, another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
opened his mic and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
concisely
.

I was both amazed and happy about him explaining to others. He took a long time to prepare, wasn’t teaching
perfectly
and disrupted his speech.
Still
, he made the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to understand it.

I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
don’t want a person to become empowered.
Instead
, I want a person to be sharing and giving values to others, causing others and themselves to grow.

IELTS essay What do I want most in life?

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
197 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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