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What difficulties will face your country in next ten years? How can these problems be overcome?

What difficulties will face your country in next ten years? How can these problems be overcome? eo9A
In today's globalization there are numbers of challenges that every countries are facing. My country India is still developing country and leading with so many difficulties in different sectors. Government of India is working very hard and also find a best way to overcome with this issues. To begin with, the main problem is over population of India and we are standing second position in population growth. Huge population leads so many difficulties in upcoming years. Due to over population many people are illiterate today, there are mainly from rural areas. Because villages are still not developed as they required. Population graph is tremendous increased in last 5 years, this resulted in poverty. As per survey, 80% public of India are living below the line of poverty. They are dealing with some problems like unemployment issue and basic necessary of their life. In India there are more private schools compare to government schools, Private school fees are too high and government schools education level is too low. However Indian government is working hard to solve this problem like increase number of schools with better and unpaid education. Another major point is pollution that will increasing a lot in coming decades. Rapid industrialization growth can harm to natural sources of environment. Due to more construction of power plants and usages of fossil fuels increasing high amount of air pollution. As resulted carbon dioxide level is increasing, that can cause global warming. Government of India making strict norms to control the pollution. Every industries have to follow these rules if they have to run their industries. Planation and reuse of materials can also the best way to save environment. In conclusion, in upcoming years biggest challenges of India is to control poverty, ensure education for all and pollution free environment. The government and societies should contribute their efforts to overcome of these problems.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's globalization there are numbers of challenges that every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "country"?
countries
are facing. My country India is
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing country
and leading with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
difficulties in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sectors.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
of India is working
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and
also
find
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
best way to overcome with
Did you mean "these"?
this
issues. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
India and
we are standing second position in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
growth. Huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
leads
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
difficulties in upcoming years. Due to over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are illiterate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, there are
mainly
from rural areas.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
villages are
still
not developed as they required.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Population
graph is tremendous increased in last 5 years, this resulted in poverty. As per survey, 80% public of India are living below the line of poverty. They are dealing with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
like unemployment issue and basic necessary of their life. In India there are more private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
compare to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, Private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
fees are too high and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
education level is too low.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to solve this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
like increase number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
with better and unpaid education. Another major point is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
that will increasing a lot in coming decades. Rapid industrialization growth can harm to natural sources of environment. Due to more construction of power plants and usages of fossil fuels increasing high amount of air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
. As resulted carbon dioxide level is increasing, that can cause global warming.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
of India making strict norms to control the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
.
'Each', 'every', 'either' and 'neither' are used with singular. Did you mean "all"?
Every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "industry"?
industries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
follow these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
if they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
run their industries.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Planation
and reuse of materials can
also
the best way to save environment.
In conclusion
, in upcoming years
A determiner is probably missing here: "the biggest".
biggest
challenges of India is to control poverty, ensure education for all and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
free environment. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and societies should contribute their efforts to overcome of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
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IELTS essay What difficulties will face your country in next ten years? How can these problems be overcome?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
311 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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