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What are the reasoning for youngesters getting more indulged in activities like shoping in their lesiure time?should they be diverted to other activities.

What are the reasoning for youngesters getting more indulged in activities like shoping in their lesiure time? should they be diverted to other activities. BMA76
Since the introduction of the entertainment industry has been increasing rapidly which is provided enoromous options for the spare time However, juveline prefer to spare time in their favourable activity because of the they are great influence for the current trend as well as enjoy purpose and yet, creative activity can be more beneficial for the upcoming time. To begin with, why the youngester give the more importance of the shopping firstly, youth are following a fashion trend due to the reason, they are easily gets temptation by attractive retailng items and that items has a more choices and heavy discounts. for example, In the renowneds shops there are available myriad of branded items accessories by less price like watch, purse etc people frequent of time observe that items in the shop consequently, they develop interest for the shoping and encourage of frequent visits. secondly, these days every shopping malls offers various types of the amenties for the customers and childrens. for instance, In the bhaishree mall they established game zone, food court and mutiplex cinema. As a reason, people want to do enjoy in indoor weather and friendly atmosphere in that shopping center and children can be fulfiled their hobbies with their best friends. However, other activity is also necessary instead of the shopping first of all, children should be involve in curricular task because of this task is mandatory for the brighter future and which can be develop their physical and mental strength of their mind and they learned myriad of practical skill by the friend group. for illustrate one of the popular group activities cricket and football is best outdoor activities for the children thereby they can lived their life without of stress of mind and get a good marks in their study moreover children would be art activity which is develop their imagination skill and their hidden talents such as, drawing dancing and singing is popular for individuals As a result if they are best in that skills they get opportunities to for start their career. In conclude, Although, the shopping activity is best among the youngester people and interesting for everyone but I think that other activity curricular and painting which are reduce the unemployment racio and lead to success.
Since the introduction of the entertainment industry has been increasing
rapidly
which
is provided
Possible spelling mistake found.
enoromous
options for the spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
However
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
juveline
prefer to spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
Possible typo. Did you mean "the" or "they"?
the they
are great influence for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
trend
as well
as enjoy purpose and
yet
, creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
can be more beneficial for the upcoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, why the
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngester
give the more importance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
firstly
, youth are following a fashion trend due to the reason, they are
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
temptation by attractive
Possible spelling mistake found.
retailng
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
and that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
has a more choices and heavy discounts.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
example, In the
Possible spelling mistake found.
renowneds
shops there are available
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "myriads"?
myriad
of branded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
accessories by less price like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
, purse etc
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
frequent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
observe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
in the shop
consequently
, they develop interest for the
Possible spelling mistake found.
shoping
and encourage of frequent visits.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
secondly
, these days every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls offers various types of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
amenties
for the customers and
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
instance, In the
Possible spelling mistake found.
bhaishree
mall they established game zone, food court and
Possible spelling mistake found.
mutiplex
cinema. As a reason,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want to do enjoy in indoor weather and friendly atmosphere in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
center and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can be
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "fulfilled", the past tense form of the verb 'fulfil'?
fulfiled
their hobbies with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
friends.
However
, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
is
also
necessary
instead
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
Consider using the past participle "involved"?
involve
in curricular task
because of this
task is mandatory for the brighter future and which can be
Consider using the past participle "developed"?
develop
their physical and mental strength of their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
mind and
they learned myriad of practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
by the friend group.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
illustrate one of the popular group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
cricket and football is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
thereby they can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "live"
lived
their life without of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of mind and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
marks in their study
moreover
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would be art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
which is
Consider using a past participle here: "developed".
develop
their imagination
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and their hidden talents such as, drawing dancing and singing is popular for individuals
As a result
if they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
in that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
opportunities to for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their career. In conclude, Although, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
among the
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngester
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and interesting for everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
curricular and painting which are
Consider using a past participle here: "reduced".
reduce
the unemployment
Possible spelling mistake found.
racio
and lead to success.
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IELTS essay What are the reasoning for youngesters getting more indulged in activities like shoping in their lesiure time? should they be diverted to other activities.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
375 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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