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What are the positive and negative aspects of the connection to outside world including mobile phone, email and social networking?

What are the positive and negative aspects of the connection to outside world including mobile phone, email and social networking? 2bxDJ
Recently, using the internet has become popular, and people have used it to communicate with people from other countries. Some people believe that connecting with people from outside countries has a positive impact on their character, while others argue that communicating with strange people could be risky and has a negative impact. This essay will discuss the positive and negative impacts of creating a relationship with people from outside world. Creating a relationship with strange people from outside countries either through using Skype or Facebook enables individuals from identifying new cultures. People will become familiar with traditions of other people who live on the other side of the world. Recent research, which was conducted in the USA, has shown that people have become more popular with habits of strange people. Therefore, contacting with people who locate in the different region of the world is beneficial and has a positive impact on a human character. On the other hand, some people said that contacting with people live outside their countries affects negatively on their family relationships. Due to this invention, family members relationships have been affected so badly, because they have spent less time together. But these people are unaware of the fact that this new invention has enabled people from widening their knowledge, and they have more friends, Thus, even there are some negatives from contacting with people from outside the world, but the benefits are more than the negatives. In conclusion, using different methods of communication with other people from outside of the world has advantages and disadvantages. In my opinion, their benefits are greatest than their negatives.
Recently, using the internet has become popular, and
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people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
it to communicate with
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people
from
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other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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people
believe that connecting with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
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outside
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countries
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
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impact
on their character, while others argue that communicating with strange
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people
could be risky and has a
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negative
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impact
. This essay will discuss the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
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negative
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impacts
of creating a
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relationship
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
world.

Creating a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
with strange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
either through using Skype or Facebook enables individuals from identifying new cultures.
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People
will become familiar with traditions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
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people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on the
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other
side of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. Recent research, which
was conducted
in the USA, has shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have become more popular with habits of strange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Therefore
, contacting with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who locate in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
region of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is beneficial and has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
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impact
on a human character.

On the
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other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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people
said that contacting with
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
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outside
their
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countries
affects
negatively
on their family
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relationships
. Due to this invention, family members
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relationships
have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
badly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have spent less time together.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
these
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people
are unaware of the fact that this new invention has enabled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from widening their knowledge, and they have more friends,
Thus
, even there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
negatives from contacting with
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people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the benefits are more than the negatives.

In conclusion
, using
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different
methods of communication with
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other
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people
from
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
has advantages and disadvantages. In my opinion, their benefits are
Use "greater" to make a comparison with this adjective.
greatest
than their negatives.
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IELTS essay What are the positive and negative aspects of the connection to outside world including mobile phone, email and social networking?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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