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what are the cause of obesity and what should be done to deal with

what are the cause of obesity and what should be done to deal with W58LK
Obesity has become an increasingly worrying issue that occurred to both children and adults all around the world. The first cause of obesity is overeating and unhealthy diet. Junk food is one of the examples of an unhealthy diet. Another problem is the lack of doing physical exercise. For example, many parents claimed that they spend 8 hours at work and they spend time picking up and dropping children off from schools, which is why they do not have any spare time for the gym or morning exercise. What should be done to deal with? Government should take responsibility to encourage citizens to do more practices by constructing stadiums, opening public sports areas, so that people could do exercise at any time, any places. Furthermore, good diets would help promote bowel movement in their body system. Thus, eating the nutritious food with less calories could be improved the overall health of an individual and the issue of obesity will alleviate eventually. In summary, action must be taken urgently; otherwise, many people will face even more serious problems of health.
Obesity has become an
increasingly
worrying issue that occurred to both children and adults all around the world. The
first
cause of obesity is overeating and unhealthy diet. Junk food is one of the examples of an unhealthy diet. Another problem is the lack of doing physical exercise.
For example
,
many
parents claimed that they spend 8 hours at
work and
they spend time picking up and dropping children off from schools, which is why they do not have any spare time for the gym or morning exercise. What should
be done
to deal with?
Government
should take responsibility to encourage citizens to do more practices by constructing stadiums, opening public sports areas,
so
that
people
could do exercise at any time, any places.
Furthermore
,
good
diets would
help
promote bowel movement in their body system.
Thus
, eating the nutritious food with
less calories
could be
improved
the
overall
health of an individual and the issue of obesity will alleviate
eventually
. In summary, action
must
be taken
urgently
;
otherwise
,
many
people
will face even more serious problems of health.
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IELTS essay what are the cause of obesity and what should be done to deal with

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
179 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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