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What are the advantages and disadvantages of the widespread usage of social media?

What are the advantages and disadvantages of the widespread usage of social media? bYX9l
Social media use can affect users' physical health and physical health even more directly. It promotes negative experiences on the ones’ physical health and cause for disease such as deteriorated eyesight and lack of movement. On mental health, it affects the ones’ mentality and mind bringing depression, anxiety, loneliness and even suicidal toughts for teenagers particularly. To sum briefly, millions of people’s health has suffered because of the social media.
Social media
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use
can affect users' physical
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health
and physical
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health
even more
directly
. It promotes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
experiences on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones’
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and cause for disease such as deteriorated eyesight and lack of movement. On mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, it affects the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones’
mentality and mind bringing depression, anxiety, loneliness and even suicidal
Possible spelling mistake found.
toughts
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
particularly
. To sum
briefly
, millions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
has suffered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the social media.

IELTS essay What are the advantages and disadvantages of the widespread usage of social media?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
70 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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