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What are the advantages and disadvantages of having more old people in society?

What are the advantages and disadvantages of having more old people in society? 26Rbb
It is often opined whether the advantages of having more old people in society outweighs the disadvantages or not. There are both points of agreement and disagreement to this. I will discuss both the postulates along with my rationale and associated exemplifications in the forthcoming paragraphs. Children are not born with integrity or the behaviors like humility, social responsibility and the courage to stand up for what they believe is right. These roots are obtained with the help of older people when they guide the younger generation. To illustrate this further, my grandparents used to tell me bedtime stories which articulated family values and helped me develop a moral vocabulary like honesty, trust, fairness, respect, responsibility and in return they always admired my respectful behavior. In addition to this, old people are less prone to violence, which is an important factor to social stability. For instance, I saw a young man used to park his car in the old neighbour's parking spot and he continued to do so for couple of more days. The old man gently and wisely talk things out with the young boy and they are more like friends now. On the other hand, elder people needs special care and medical attention which puts a financial burden on the family. To illustrate this, I have read several post and seen many people asking for donations through advertisements on facebook, where various individuals tell how their old parent or parents got sick and how taking them to big hospitals with prolonged illness impacts their pocket, which further led them to ask for donations to help them with their treatment. Furthermore, elderly humans are technological resistant that causes anxiety to them if they are not able to use it. Quintessentially, it became so hard to me to teach my father-in-law how to use whats app when he just started using a touch-screen phone. He remained anxious for weeks until he got a hold onto it. To conclude based on the above discussion, I would like to emphasize on my points of advantages being more critical than the disadvantage side. This is because senior people are the crucial part of the community as they contribute both knowledge and experience which helps in the growth of youngsters.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
opined whether the advantages of having more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in society outweighs the disadvantages or not. There are both points of agreement and disagreement to this. I will discuss both the postulates along with my rationale and associated exemplifications in the forthcoming paragraphs.

Children are not born with integrity or the behaviors like humility, social responsibility and the courage to stand up for what they believe is right. These roots
are obtained
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
when they guide the younger generation. To illustrate this
further
, my grandparents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
me bedtime stories which articulated family values and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me develop a moral vocabulary like honesty, trust, fairness, respect, responsibility and in return they always admired my respectful behavior.
In addition
to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are less prone to violence, which is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor to social stability.
For instance
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to park his car in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbour' is British English.
neighbour
's parking
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
spot and
he continued to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
for
It seems that an article is missing.
couple of
more days. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
gently
and
wisely
talk things out with the young
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
boy and
they are more like friends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

On the other hand
, elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
needs
special care and medical attention which puts a financial burden on the family. To illustrate this, I have read
Possible agreement error. The noun post seems to be countable; consider using: "several posts".
several post
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
asking for donations through advertisements on
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
, where various individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
how their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
parent or parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
sick and how taking them to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
hospitals with prolonged illness impacts their pocket, which
further
led them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
donations to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them with their treatment.
Furthermore
, elderly humans are technological resistant that causes anxiety to them if they are not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it.
Quintessentially
, it became
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to me to teach my father-in-law how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
Did you mean "WhatsApp" (= Messenger) or "what's up" (= question)?
whats app
when he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
using a touch-screen phone. He remained anxious for weeks until he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a hold onto it.

To conclude
based on the above discussion, I would like to emphasize on my points of advantages being more critical than the disadvantage side. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are the crucial part of the community as they contribute both knowledge and experience which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in the growth of youngsters.
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IELTS essay What are the advantages and disadvantages of having more old people in society?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
376 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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