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What are some of the reasons for women to get married before graduation and provide their effects ?

What are some of the reasons for women to get married before graduation and provide their effects? GM99j
One of the most conspicuous trends of today’s world is a colossal upsurge in marriage of undergraduate women. There is a widespread worry that this will only lead to a myriad of concerns in the society. In my opinion, marriage of undergraduate women has more negative than positive impacts in the society. On one hand, critics may point out that one of the most significant effects of marriage of undergraduate women is timely settlement of family. For example, women unlike in the past are now living a more happy married life. On the other hand, there are a number of arguments in favor of my stance. The most preponderant one is that marriage of undergraduate women has many benefits for the community in various ways. Firstly, they can learn more effectively because their can freely focus on study instead of other responsibilities. According to, "Times magazine December 2017 edition", the proportion of effective learning has increased from 30 percent’s to 70 percent’s today. Secondly, a large portion of the women cannot complete their graduation because of marriage responsibilities like giving birth to babies, raising children and financial issues. Lastly, in my opinion, the government of Australia is taking a great initiative in educating its welfare organizations on the impact of marriage of undergraduate women. Welfare organizations are being encouraged to spend a significant portion of their time in supporting women to complete their graduation before getting married. In view of the arguments outlined above, one can conclude that despite having some effects, the causes of marriage of undergraduate women in the society are indeed too dire to ignore.
One of the most conspicuous trends of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world is a colossal upsurge in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
undergraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. There is a widespread worry that this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
lead to a myriad of concerns in the society. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
undergraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
has more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts in the society.

On one hand, critics may point out that one of the most significant effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
undergraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
is timely settlement of family.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
unlike in the past are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
living a more happy married life.

On the other hand
, there are a number of arguments in favor of my stance. The most preponderant one is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
undergraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits for the community in various ways.
Firstly
, they can learn more
effectively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their can
freely
focus on study
instead
of other responsibilities. According to,
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Times magazine December 2017 edition
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
, the proportion of effective learning has increased from 30
The possessive apostrophe seems to be incorrect. Please remove the apostrophe if you want to use the plural form of 'percent'.
percent’s
to 70 percent’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
Secondly
, a large portion of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
cannot complete their graduation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
responsibilities like giving birth to babies, raising children and financial issues.

Lastly
, in my opinion, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of Australia is taking a great initiative in educating its welfare organizations on the impact of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
undergraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. Welfare organizations are
being encouraged
to spend a significant portion of their time in supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to complete their graduation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
getting married.

In view of the arguments outlined above, one can conclude that despite having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
effects, the causes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
undergraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in the society are
indeed
too dire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
.
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IELTS essay What are some of the reasons for women to get married before graduation and provide their effects?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
268 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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