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Some Parents think that watching television and playing computer video games is beneficial for children development some say it has a negative impact on children development.Give opinions on both the ideas with e.g.

Some Parents think that watching television and playing computer video games is beneficial for children development some say it has a negative impact on children development. Give opinions on both the ideas with e. g. BJwwj
Extr-curricular activities like watching television and playing games, either indoor or outdoor games, are necessary for a child mental and physical build up. It is a controversial topic, as some people appreciate it while some are aginst it. At early ages; an age of intellecutal and mental growth, children can learn basic skills easily. So at this age, they should have facilities of playing games and learn through different television programs. This will not only builds the skills of a child, but can make one active and energetic. Today, we are living in a materialistic world and people with different skills are wanted at any field. As for instance, if a child learn to play tennis at early ages, one develop so fine skills in that game as these are on demand now and appreciates by people. Infact, there are chances to play at international level as a champion. Moreover, if children learn some basic skills at early ages, then they are considered as multitalented and such kind of people are really on demand in near future when they will become professionals. On the contrary, there are many hazards if children are allowed to watch television or remain indulged in playing video games. Firstly, by looking contiously at screen will have negative effects on their eyesights, and infact at early ages it will affect mental actvity badly. Secondaly, a child may lost interest in studies and become irritable, as one wants to remain in his/her imaginative games world. These negative impressions leads to immoral behaviour of a child. As quoted, if a child continously play a game, and no one is paying attention toward that child, a sense of being neglected will have its own effects on that apart from education and behaviours are suffering from it. In conclusion, although games are important for children, but parents should have hold on all activites of a child and they are allowes to play games for few hours, as time managent is importnat there to control a child while nurturing him or her.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Extr-curricular
activities like watching television and playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, either indoor or outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, are necessary for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
mental and physical build up. It is a controversial topic, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
appreciate it while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are
Possible spelling mistake found.
aginst
it.

At
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
; an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
intellecutal
and mental growth,
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children
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
easily
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
at this
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age
, they should have facilities of playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
television programs. This will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
The verb 'will' requires base form of the verb: "build"
builds
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
one active and energetic.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, we are living in a materialistic world and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are wanted
at any field. As
for instance
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
tennis at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
, one develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
fine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in that game as these are on demand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and appreciates by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Infact
, there are chances to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
at international level as a champion.
Moreover
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
, then they
are considered
as multitalented and such kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
really
on demand in near future when they will become professionals.

On the contrary
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hazards if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
television or remain indulged in playing video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Firstly
, by looking
Possible spelling mistake found.
contiously
at screen will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on their
Possible spelling mistake found.
eyesights
, and
Possible spelling mistake found.
infact
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
it will affect mental
Possible spelling mistake found.
actvity
badly
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Secondaly
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
may lost interest in studies and become irritable, as one wants to remain in his/her imaginative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
world. These
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impressions
You should probably use "lead".
leads
to immoral
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. As quoted, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
Possible spelling mistake found.
continously
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
a game, and no one is paying attention toward that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
, a sense of
being neglected
will have its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
effects on that apart from education and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
are suffering from it.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
parents should have hold on all
Possible spelling mistake found.
activites
of a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
child and
they are
Possible spelling mistake found.
allowes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
for few hours, as time
Possible spelling mistake found.
managent
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
importnat
there to control a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
while nurturing him or her.
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IELTS essay Some Parents think that watching television and playing computer video games is beneficial for children development some say it has a negative impact on children development. Give opinions on both the ideas with e. g.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
341 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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