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We must return to the older and more traditional values to create a better world to live in. Agree or disagree?

We must return to the older and more traditional values to create a better world to live in. Agree or disagree? 26DQj
Nowadays, in a new era value was created by a and our ancestors are replaced and formed by new generation. Old values plays a crucial role in our life and must be remain with us. I agree with the about statement. I will put forth my views in the upcoming paragraph. Firstly, the well known and renowned value is honesty this policy is gifted by the older people and plays a important in our life and and as well as business. For example teachers and parents from a very small it made the children to learn honesty. Secondly, loyalty which is thought by our family is major missing in today's world. This principal helps us to be loyal towards our responsibilities. Due to this cheating, fraud and many such cases are increasing. For example nowadays young people are not loyal towards their work watch which is shameful and embarrassing. Futhermore, the value of motivation is lacking in today's world instead of motivating other people to achieve their success, they instead demotive them. They cannot see the success story of other because they are unsuccessful in their own life. On the other hand you new generation accept each and everyone they are not afraid of being different instead they are given respect by all. Unlike before, people were born was either murder or had to live in a different society which was not accepted by the world. For example there were only two section that is men female, but now High Court has given three has given third section to transgender. To sum up, modern values have less impact was compared to the older generation.
Nowadays, in a new era
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
was created
by a and our ancestors
are replaced
and formed by new generation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Old
values plays a crucial role in our life and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
Consider using the past participle "remained"?
remain
with us. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the about statement. I will put forth my views in the upcoming paragraph.

Firstly
, the well known and renowned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
is honesty this policy
is gifted
by the older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and plays
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in our life
Possible typo: you repeated a word
and and
as well
as business.
For example
teachers and parents from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
it made the children to learn honesty.
Secondly
, loyalty which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by our family is major missing in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world. This principal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to be loyal towards our responsibilities. Due to this cheating, fraud and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
such cases are increasing.
For example
nowadays young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not loyal towards their work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
which is shameful and embarrassing.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Futhermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
of motivation is lacking in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world
instead
of motivating other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to achieve their success, they
instead
Possible spelling mistake found.
demotive
them. They cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the success story of other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are unsuccessful in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
life.

On the other hand
you
Did you mean "knew" (past of 'to know')?
new
generation accept each and
Did you mean "every one"?
everyone
they are not afraid of being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
instead
they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
respect by all. Unlike
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were born
was either murder or had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
society which was not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by the world.
For example
there were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
two
Possible agreement error. The noun 'section' seems to be countable, so consider using: "sections".
section
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
female,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
High Court has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
three has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
third section to transgender. To sum up, modern values have less impact
was compared
to the older generation.
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IELTS essay We must return to the older and more traditional values to create a better world to live in. Agree or disagree?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
274 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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