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We live in a world of technology these days. While the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweighs the advantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree. (statement)

We live in a world of technology these days. While the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweighs the advantages. (statement) n8Yo
The global network has taken a decisive place in the life of mankind over the past century. Following this pace, there has appeared an issue regarding the safety management of data therefore devaluing other pros of the Internet. Despite the existing problems with the protection of personal data, however, I disagree that the negatives are greater than positives. This essay will show reasons why pros surpasses the cons. The internet provide a lot of opportunities in different aspects of life. Ranging from education, social communication to various spheres of activity. People can attain any sufficient information from the global web such as academic articles, materials for self-studying, research which can help in self-development or even expand their vocational spectrum taking into account that many of them are totally free. Same goes with the entertainment and recreational activities. There is a big number of movies, virtual games and social media apps that can be really spectacular. Nevertheless, with development of social media, users witness bullying because of personal data leakage. However that can be avoided by using two-step verification and secure password. Also, new technology innovations have made life of society much easier, as many routine jobs can be done online. In retrospect, in order to purchase regular stuffs people had to stand in the queue, today, no need even go over the market. In addition, other contemporary advancement is online bank transactions. Money transfers are no longer time-consuming. However, besides its benefits, the set of problems appeared too. There have been some cases with hackers attacks and robbery, but these problems are usually can be solved and frauds will be caught. To sum up, it is clear that there are more advantages than disadvantages of the internet. Despite that it’s true that there are some problems regarding safety and information control, however, they are manageable. In fact, the Internet has become a part of human’s life and it is unimaginable living without internet. In my opinion, there should be payed more attention in relation to this topic by government and also by large corporations that are related with social network.
The global network has taken a decisive place in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of mankind over the past century. Following this pace, there has appeared an issue regarding the safety management of data
therefore
devaluing other pros of the Internet. Despite the existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
with the protection of personal data,
however
, I disagree that the negatives are greater than positives. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
reasons why pros surpasses the cons.

The internet
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "provides".
provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
opportunities in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Ranging from education,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
communication to various spheres of activity.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
can attain any sufficient information from the global web such as academic articles, materials for self-studying, research which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in self-development or even expand their vocational spectrum taking into account that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them are
totally
free. Same goes with the entertainment and recreational activities. There is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
number of movies, virtual games and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media apps that can be
really
spectacular.

Nevertheless
, with development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media, users witness bullying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of personal data leakage.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
that can
be avoided
by using two-step verification and secure password.

Also
, new technology innovations have made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of society much easier, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
routine jobs can
be done
online. In retrospect, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
regular stuffs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
had to stand in the queue,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, no need even go over the market.
In addition
, other contemporary advancement is online bank transactions. Money transfers are no longer time-consuming.
However
,
besides
its benefits, the set of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
appeared too. There have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases with hackers attacks and robbery,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
are
usually
can
be solved
and frauds will
be caught
.

To sum up, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that there are more advantages than disadvantages of the internet. Despite that it’s true that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
regarding safety and information control,
however
, they are manageable. In fact, the Internet has become a part of human’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and it is unimaginable living without internet. In my opinion, there should be
Only in a nautical context 'payed' is an acceptable past tense form of 'pay'. Please check!
payed
more attention in relation to this topic by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
also
by large corporations that
are related
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
network.
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IELTS essay We live in a world of technology these days. While the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweighs the advantages. (statement)

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
350 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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