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we can use media, and celebrities who always affect people to make people conscious of gender equality

we can use media, and celebrities who always affect people to make people conscious of gender equality Nlkl2
Firstly, we can use media, and celebrities who always affect people to make people conscious of gender equality. We should use media because it has been confirmed by researchers, that the media has greatly influenced our lives and opinions. Also, the media is significant because people are afraid to speak out alone and defend something, but when they see people who support them, they understand that they are not alone and are encouraged. Likewise, we should use celebrities because people care about their opinion and do not approach it with prejudice, but rather tend to approve of their opinion. For instance, murders of women are something that happens all the time, but thanks to the media, we get news these days, and we talk about what we can do to make it end. It also is a fact that these arguments are taken more seriously when celebrities participate. Therefore, it can be understood that if we can use media successfully, make people conscious of gender equality.
Firstly
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, and celebrities who always affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
conscious of gender equality. We should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has
been confirmed
by researchers, that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has
greatly
influenced our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and opinions.
Also
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is significant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are afraid to speak out alone and defend something,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who support them, they understand that they are not alone and
are encouraged
.
Likewise
, we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
celebrities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
care about their opinion and do not approach it with prejudice,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
rather
tend to approve of their opinion.
For instance
, murders of women are something that happens all the time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
thanks to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
news these days, and we talk about what we can do to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
. It
also
is a fact that these arguments
are taken
more
seriously
when celebrities participate.
Therefore
, it can
be understood
that if we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
successfully
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
conscious of gender equality.
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IELTS essay we can use media, and celebrities who always affect people to make people conscious of gender equality

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
166 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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