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Charity advertising on TV or radio

Charity advertising on TV or radio alM7P
It's widely known that each day there are more advertisements on the media that we consume. Charities however follow this trend too. Many people are wondering whether that is a positive or a negative decision by these organizations. To start, we must comprehend that these organizations need the help of the people, since they receive no financing from the governments. In some cases, they are helped by them, but it is not a widely extended phenomenon. Be that as it may, many people and families are depending on them and on the resources they give to the families. For this reason, they can't afford to interrupt the flow of resources that they provide. In consequence, they need to advertise themselves to get more resources for buying clothes or food to subsequently donate. That means two things. The first one, the people are not solidary enough. That's a fact and no one can deny it and that is of course a negative tendency. In general it's a bad situation. Nevertheless, the decision that the charity organizations have done is a proper one. A proper decision fruit of a bad tendency. So I'm completely on their side. But every decision can be analyzed and in this case I'm wondering, how much money did they actually spend for their organization to de advertised. Another question is, of course, whether it is worth given that too much money is spent on this purpose. In summary, I would consider that as a good decision but not a good tendence.
It's
widely
known that each day there are more advertisements on the media that we consume. Charities
however
follow this trend too.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are wondering whether
that is
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
by these organizations.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
comprehend that these organizations need the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, since they receive no financing from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
by them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not a
widely
extended phenomenon.

Be that as it may,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and families
The verb 'depending' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are depending
on them and on the resources they give to the families.
For this reason
, they can't afford to interrupt the flow of resources that they provide. In consequence, they need to advertise themselves to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more resources for buying clothes or food to
subsequently
donate.

That means two things. The
first
one, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not
Possible spelling mistake found.
solidary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
. That's a fact and no one can deny it and
that is
of course
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
tendency. In
The comma is probably missing here: "general, it".
general it
's a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
situation.

Nevertheless
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
that the charity organizations have done is a proper one. A proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
fruit of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
tendency.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I'm completely on their side.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
can
be analyzed
and
in this case
I'm wondering, how much money did they actually spend for their organization to
Possible spelling mistake found.
de
advertised. Another question is,
of course
, whether it is worth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
that too much money
is spent
on this purpose.

In summary, I would consider that as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake found.
tendence
.
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IELTS essay Charity advertising on TV or radio

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
254 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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