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We are all being exposed to advertisements because of harsh competition between companies. Is this a positive or negative development?

We are all being exposed to advertisements because of harsh competition between companies. Is this a positive or negative development? gqyWO
The rivalry among companies caused to enter our lives more adverts. It is widely believed that besides its positive effects that bring our lives, also, it causes some negative effects. I strongly support this idea that the development in advertisement industry put harm more than benefits. To begin with, the researchs show that the consumption rates skyrocket since the adverts came into our life. Many consumers shop unconsicously. Because we are all surrounded by commercial products announcements. The one can come across to these kind of adverts in their social life or as well while they are surfing in internet by with digital devices. As a result, the one feel urge to have unnecessary things just because they exposed so many advertisement. Furthermore, people have limited space for memory in brain. Because of exposing this ads, they will take a place in our minds without any control. For example, the one will come across plenty adverts on the way to their work. The streets has billboards and the cafes even the public transports include so many adverts in the tables. Even though the sound is not heard, the one will save all images in their visual memory. Thus, commercial products take the control on storage in brain from the one. Nevertheless, it is better to be aware of this effects although not easy to avoid this commercial competitions results that cannot controllable. As a consequences, the sector of ads leave some bad effects in our lives by causing unconscious shopping and also taking unnecessary space on memory.
The rivalry among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
caused to enter our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
more adverts. It is
widely
believed that
besides
its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects that bring our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
also
, it causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects. I
strongly
support this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that the development in advertisement industry put harm more than benefits.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "researches", the plural form of the noun 'research'?
researchs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that the consumption rates skyrocket since the adverts came into our life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
consumers shop
Possible spelling mistake found.
unconsicously
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
we are all surrounded by commercial products announcements. The one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across to
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of adverts in their social life or
as well
while they are surfing in internet by with digital devices.
As a result
, the one feel urge to have unnecessary things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they exposed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Possible agreement error. The noun advertisement seems to be countable; consider using: "many advertisements".
many advertisement
.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have limited space for memory in brain.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of exposing
Did you mean "these"?
this
ads, they will take a place in our minds without any control.
For example
, the one will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
adverts on the way to their work. The streets
You should probably use "have", "haven".
has
billboards and the
'cafes' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "cafés"
cafes
even the public transports include
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adverts in the tables.
Even though
the sound is not heard, the one will save all images in their visual memory.
Thus
, commercial products take the control on storage in brain from the one.

Nevertheless
, it is better to be aware of
Did you mean "these"?
this
effects although not easy to avoid this commercial competitions results that cannot controllable. As
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a consequence" or simply "consequences"?
a consequences
, the sector of ads
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "leaves"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'leave' is not always incorrect.)
leave
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
by causing unconscious shopping and
also
taking unnecessary space on memory.
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IELTS essay We are all being exposed to advertisements because of harsh competition between companies. Is this a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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