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Watching a live performance such as a play, concert, or sporting event is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Watching a live performance such as a play, concert, or sporting event is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. E3lXM
It is argued that people entertain themselves more on live performance given by different artists as well as game rather than viewing on the television. I strongly disagree with this statement, and believe that many individual enjoy seeing on television. To embark on, watching on television has many advantages over viewing live performance. Firstly, these days people are more busy on work they do not have enough time to go outside and watch live performance on that condition they can see on television longing on workplace and home. Furthermore, it saves a lot of time due to the fact that many people have to travel long distance to attend performance and sit on the queue for the entry ticket. And they can watch television with their office staff at the same time they can do their important work. . Moreover, individual can view with their friends and family member lounging on a comfortable sofa and enjoy with them with chill beer and snacks. Secondly, due to the advancement of technology there are high end television with HD quality screen so it makes feel that as if they are watching live performance. They can enjoy every bit of seconds, while in case of live performance, there is more crowd, so in that situation it is difficult for people to concentrate on performance and can be completely waste of time. Some performance has expensive ticket price so many people cannot afford, but they can utilize money to enjoy with friends in home by making different delicious cuisine and sit in front of television. Bad weather condition can affect the mood of people when people are watching performance live because we cannot predict weather, consequently, it may difficult for them to focus on performance. In conclusion, to some extend viewing live stage performance is entertaining because people get chance to view performace of their role model from close. But we cannot deny the fact that watching same event on television is more enjoyable because people will not get distracted by crowd.
It
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
entertain themselves more on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
artists
as well
as game
rather
than viewing on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. I
strongly
disagree with this statement, and believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
seeing on television.

To embark on, watching on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages over viewing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
.
Firstly
, these days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more busy on work they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to go outside and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
on that condition they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
longing on workplace and home.
Furthermore
, it saves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
due to the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
travel long distance to attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
and sit on the queue for the entry ticket. And they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
with their office staff at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they can do their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
work.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Moreover
, individual can view with their friends and family member lounging on a comfortable sofa and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
with them with chill beer and snacks.

Secondly
, due to the advancement of technology there are high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
with HD quality screen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
feel that as if they are watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
. They can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
every bit of seconds, while in case of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
, there is more crowd,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in that situation it is difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to concentrate on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
and can be completely waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
has expensive ticket price
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot afford,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can utilize money to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
with friends in home by making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
delicious cuisine and sit in front of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Bad
weather condition can affect the mood of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we cannot predict weather,
consequently
, it
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
may difficult
for them to focus on performance.

In conclusion
, to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean the noun "extent"?
extend
viewing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
stage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
is entertaining
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
chance to view
Possible spelling mistake found.
performace
of their role model from close.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
we cannot deny the fact that watching same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is more enjoyable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
distracted by crowd.
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IELTS essay Watching a live performance such as a play, concert, or sporting event is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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