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Visiting to zoo with my family

Visiting to zoo with my family r1bVk
It's not always possible for the common people to visit remote jungle or famous national parks to watch various animals. So they prefer visiting a zoo, and it is very entertaining for them to watch various animals in the zoo, with all the protection. Last Sunday I visited the zoo with my family. It is a charming sight for us to look at the white ducks on the surface of the water. In the next enclosed space we could see leopards, lions, tigers and tigress resting and roaming about. Then we come across a garden area where deer and stages were taking their strolls. In the one of the corners, we saw a huge tree where baboons and monkeys were jumping from one branch to the other. Some people threw bananas at them to which they immediately tried to catch by jumping down the branches. Children were enjoying by making faces at them. Visiting a zoo makes as learn a lot many things about the various species of animals, besides the fun and frolic that we have. We get to learn about the tastes and habits of so many varieties of birds, animals, reptiles and beasts.
It's not always possible for the common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to visit remote jungle or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
national parks to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they prefer visiting a zoo, and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
entertaining for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in the zoo, with all the protection. Last Sunday I visited the zoo with my family. It is a charming sight for us to look at the white ducks on the surface of the water. In the
next
enclosed space we could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
leopards, lions, tigers and tigress resting and roaming about. Then we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across a garden area where deer and stages were taking their strolls. In the one of the corners, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a huge tree where baboons and monkeys were jumping from one branch to the other.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
threw bananas at them to which they immediately tried to catch by jumping down the branches. Children were enjoying by making faces at them.

Visiting a zoo
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
as learn a lot
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things about the various species of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
,
besides
the fun and frolic that we have. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to learn about the tastes and habits of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
varieties of birds,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, reptiles and beasts.

IELTS essay Visiting to zoo with my family

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
196 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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