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Violence is always one of the most concerning problems in school, family, and social life. While I accept that the extremely violent or brutal films should not be allowed to be published to prevent their negative impacts, I hold a conviction that those can also be considered as valuable lessons.

Violence is always one of the most concerning problems in school, family, and social life. While I accept that the extremely violent or brutal films should not be allowed to be published to prevent their negative impacts, I hold a conviction that those can also be considered as valuable lessons. xxmBo
Violence is always one of the most concerning problems in school, family, and social life. While I accept that the extremely violent or brutal films should not be allowed to be published to prevent their negative impacts, I hold a conviction that those can also be considered as valuable lessons. On the one hand, nowadays, there are plenty of films published to satisfy viewers' demand, especially action films or criminal psychological films. First of all, individuals have innate imitation. For example, children are in the habit of aping the grown-ups. This is one of the reasons for school violence. Secondly, people like to watch films starring cool actors or actresses who can fly or fall down from a very high building and still survive. Those seem like an interesting example for someone. Many people with less experience and perception are easily sunk into the unreal scenes of those films and it leads to more violent situations and can cause violent crimes in our society. Nonetheless, on the other hand, if the action films are published with valuable information and appropriate behaviours, those will be useful and appreciated tools to build up soft skills for teenagers. The violent scenes in films might be considered as illustrating examples that can happen in daily life. Through those, people can be aware of crimes. For instance, parents can teach their children how to treat strangers while they are alone at home by showing some cases happening in the films. As a result, their children will be more careful and they can protect themselves effectively. Taking everything into consideration, in short, it is sure that governments need to promulgate several policies more seriously which help them control the publishing of violent films, but that is by no means people have to completely escape that kind of film.
Violence is always one of the most concerning problems in school, family, and social life. While I accept that the
extremely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
or brutal films should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
be published
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts, I hold a conviction that
Did you mean "this can" or "those cans"?
those can
also
be considered
as valuable lessons.

On the one hand, nowadays, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of films published to satisfy viewers' demand,
especially
action films or criminal psychological films.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, individuals have innate imitation.
For example
, children are in the habit of aping the grown-ups. This is one of the reasons for school violence.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
films starring cool actors or actresses who can
fly
or fall down from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high building and
still
survive. Those seem like an interesting example for someone.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with less experience and perception are
easily
sunk into the unreal scenes of those films and it leads to more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
situations and can cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
crimes in our society.

Nonetheless,
on the other hand
, if the action films
are published
with valuable information and appropriate
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
, those will be useful and appreciated tools to build up soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
scenes in films might
be considered
as illustrating examples that can happen in daily life. Through those,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be aware of crimes.
For instance
, parents can teach their children how to treat strangers while they are alone at home by showing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases happening in the films.
As a result
, their children will be more
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
careful and
they can protect themselves
effectively
.

Taking everything into consideration, in short,
In English, people don't say 'it is sure'. They say, 'it is certain that'. Did you mean "it is certain"?
it is sure
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
need to promulgate several policies more
seriously
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them control the publishing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
films,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that is
by no means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
completely escape that kind of film.
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IELTS essay Violence is always one of the most concerning problems in school, family, and social life. While I accept that the extremely violent or brutal films should not be allowed to be published to prevent their negative impacts, I hold a conviction that those can also be considered as valuable lessons.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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