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very, few school children learn about the value of money and how to look after it, yet this a critical life skill that should be taught as a part of the school curriculum. Do you agree or disagree?

very, few school children learn about the value of money and how to look after it, yet this a critical life skill that should be taught as a part of the school curriculum. MDM6
It's true that some children know that how to value the money during their schooldays. But, most of the students are unaware of this, because they are not taught in schools. And this is to be added to the part of school curriculum. Which is much important for every student to discover how to mange the money. So, I agree with the statement and provide with related examples in the following paragraphs. Firstly, we know that the schools will teach the students about General arithmetic's and simple calculations during there study. This helps students to calculate the percentages, when they buy a T-shirt at discount of 10%. Calculating the interests that are imposed on the sale, or while depositing there money in savings account. Unfortunately, if you borrow a car for rent. You need to know, what are the taxes that are imposed to rent a car for use. Similarly, parents should buy the item that is required to children on the basis of credit. These helps the children to find out how their parents are paying the amount to the required product on a monthly basis. The children will get to know how carefully, the product should be used, and they will be familiar with circumstances of money how to manage it. If possible schools should make the children to discover the importance of money saving. In concluding, The people need to know how to mange their need with controlling money. Education system need to implement the subject that is related to the controlling and managing the money in school curriculum.
It's true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
that how to value the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
during their schooldays.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are unaware of this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not taught in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. And this is to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to the part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum. Which is much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to discover how to mange the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement and provide with related examples in the following paragraphs.

Firstly
, we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
will teach the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
about General arithmetic's and simple calculations during there study. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to calculate the percentages, when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a T-shirt at discount of 10%. Calculating the interests that
are imposed
on the sale, or while depositing there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in savings account. Unfortunately, if you borrow a car for rent. You
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
, what are the taxes that
are imposed
to rent a car for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.

Similarly
, parents should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the item that
is required
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on the basis of credit. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to find out how their parents are paying the amount to the required product on a monthly basis. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
how
carefully
, the product should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
, and they will be familiar with circumstances of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
how to manage it.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
possible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to discover the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
saving.

In concluding, The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
how to mange their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
with controlling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Education system
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to implement the subject that
is related
to the controlling and managing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum.
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IELTS essay very, few school children learn about the value of money and how to look after it, yet this a critical life skill that should be taught as a part of the school curriculum.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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