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Write about the following topic. Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. Do you agree or disagree?

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. yXR7J
Computer use nowadays is very common for childrens in this modern world. Information Technology can be a boon or a curse depending on children, depending on their usage. I believe computers are very important part of learning process at home rather than school. However, computer usage can have more negative effect on children than positive ones. Let's take an example from my own family as my son usually comes from school at 4 Pm and starts using computer games as soon as he gets home. This behavior is not at all acceptable and we want him to spend more time on outdoor activities and sports rather than computer games. I agree that computer games should be played but their hours of play should be restricted. However, my son gets agitated when we restrict his computer use and results in poor grades as he couldn't focus on his studies. Due to this reason, we had to cancel our internet subscription so my son can focus on exams. Lastly, in my own experience, my son's grades drastically improved when we restricted his computer usage. However, we recommend that our son takes part in extra-curricular activities and participates in sports at district level. My son is really good soccer player and I wish to send him to soccer academy next summer, to improve his soccer skills. If my son gets good grades then I will allow him to play computer games. Using computer everyday is not a good habit in learning process and I would recommend all parents to restrict its usage as this can hinder their children's overall growth.
Computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
nowadays is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common for
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
in this modern world. Information Technology can be a boon or a curse depending on children, depending on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
. I believe computers are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of learning process at home
rather
than school.
However
, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
can have more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on children than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
ones.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's take an example from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
family as my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
son
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from school at 4 Pm and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
using computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
home. This behavior is not at all
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
acceptable and
we want him to spend more time on outdoor activities and sports
rather
than computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
should
be played
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their hours of play should
be restricted
.
However
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
son
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
agitated when we restrict his computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
and results in poor grades as he couldn't focus on his studies. Due to this reason, we had to cancel our internet subscription
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
son
can focus on exams.

Lastly
, in my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience, my son's grades
drastically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
when we restricted his computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
.
However
, we recommend that our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
son
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
takes part
in extra-curricular activities and participates in sports at district level. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
son
is
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
soccer player and I wish to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
him to soccer academy
next
summer, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
his soccer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. If my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
son
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grades then I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
him to play computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. Using computer
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
habit in learning process and I would recommend all parents to restrict its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
as this can hinder their children's
overall
growth.
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IELTS essay Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
267 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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