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university students should study whatever they enjoy learning or they would only be allowed to attend useful subjects

university students should study whatever they enjoy learning or they would only be allowed to attend useful subjects L3qx8
People nowadays are having different views about whether university students should study whatever they enjoy learning or they would only be allowed to attend useful subjects that will aid them later on in their career, such as those related to science and technology. Recently, this phenomenon has been brought to public attention, as a result, heated debates among those who has different perspective on this matter is inevitable. So I will discuss this topic with my own experiences and understanding as well as giving my personal opinion in this paragraph. To start off, It is widely believed that for the most part parents around the world would prefer their children to learn whataver subjects that they are interested at. The particular reason for this circumstance is that people tends to be better at the jobs when they enjoy doing it. For examples, students would pay a lot more attentions and spend much more time on their subjects that they have chosen. Additionally, not all of us are the same so a person might have talents in mathematics while the others might be better at arts or in other kinds of field. On top of that, we need to have a variety of choices when it comes to choosing subjects or else they wont even find out their special hidden talents in each person, so it is understandable for students to choose subjects that fit them the most. On the other hand, a small group of people still have a mindset that their kids studying useful, science related subjects is good enough. To a certain extend, this might be benefiting for them later on in their life, but this will cause a massive lost in the diversity of jobs due to the fact that everyone will now only know about technology and science so other fields will be absent. Not only that, these subjects are generally quite hard and will definitely not suitable for all students. Therefore, it will also make a majority of them feel bored and not showing enough dedication to their studying. To sum up everthing that has been stated so far, I think I will have to say that I’m completely agree with the idea that students should study whatever they want and not being pressurised into learning other subjects that they do not enjoy.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
nowadays are having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about whether university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should study whatever they enjoy
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
learning or
they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to attend useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that will aid them later on in their career, such as those related to science and technology. Recently, this phenomenon has
been brought
to public attention,
as a result
, heated debates among those who has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perspective on this matter is inevitable.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I will discuss this topic with my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experiences and understanding
as well
as giving my personal opinion in this paragraph.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
off, It is
widely
believed that
for the most part
parents around the world would prefer their children to learn
Possible spelling mistake found.
whataver
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that they
are interested
at. The particular reason for this circumstance is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
tends
to be better at the jobs when they enjoy doing it. For examples,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
would pay a lot more attentions and spend much more time on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that they have chosen.
Additionally
, not all of us are the same
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
a person might have talents in mathematics while the others might be better at arts or in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
kinds of field.
On top of that
, we need to have a variety of choices when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to choosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
or else they
Please make sure you mean 'wont' (a habit), not "won't"/"won’t" (short for 'will not')?
wont
even find out their special hidden talents in each person,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is understandable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that fit them the most.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
still
have a mindset that their kids studying useful, science related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
. To a certain
Did you mean the noun "extent"?
extend
, this might be benefiting for them later on in their life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this will cause a massive lost in the diversity of jobs due to the fact that everyone will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
know about technology and science
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
fields will be absent. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
generally
quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and will definitely not suitable for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Therefore
, it will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a majority of them feel bored and not showing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
dedication to their studying.

To sum up
Possible spelling mistake found.
everthing
that has
been stated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
I will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
say that I’m completely
Consider using a past participle here: "agreed".
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should study whatever they want and not being
Possible spelling mistake. 'pressurised' is British English.
pressurised
into learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that they do not enjoy.
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IELTS essay university students should study whatever they enjoy learning or they would only be allowed to attend useful subjects

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
388 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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