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 University should pay equal attention to academic studies and club activities Do you agree or disagree?

From my point of view, universities should applied all approaches to growth of all aspect of student character, but preferences between academic studies and club activities would be needed. First off, the main goal of universities is to teach students by professors. If you carry out components of universities like (students, professors, libraries, laboratories) you will notice that they exist to train students than other activities. In the other words, these components are an inevitable part of universities. You could not imagine any university without them. In addition to the reason raised above, output of universities is a students with vast information in his own major. Universities can be considered as a factory that should produce goods with high quality. If universities introduce students to society without or less knowledge, therefore there are not anyone to deal with problems in society. Conversely, university is as a place that students live in there for about 4 years. Hence, other activities such as club, cultural and political are required in order to motivate students to do their best. In brief, universities must prioritize their activities, the most important point is that academic studies should be focused first. Conversely, it is required to allocate a resources(time and money) for other activities as a motivation for students. Therefore, universities would be able not only achieve their goals but also students would be satisfied.
From my point of view,
universities
should
applied
all approaches to growth of all aspect of
student
character,
but
preferences between academic studies and club
activities
would
be needed
.

First
off, the main goal of
universities
is to teach
students
by professors. If you carry out components of
universities
like
(students
, professors, libraries, laboratories) you will notice that they exist to train
students
than
other
activities
. In the
other
words, these components are an inevitable part of
universities
. You could not imagine any
university
without them.

In addition
to the reason raised above, output of
universities
is a
students
with vast information in his
own
major.
Universities
can
be considered
as a factory that should produce
goods
with high quality. If
universities
introduce
students
to society without or less knowledge,
therefore
there are not anyone to deal with problems in society.
Conversely
,
university
is as a place that
students
live
in there for about 4 years.
Hence
,
other
activities
such as club, cultural and political
are required
in order to motivate
students
to do their best.

In brief
,
universities
must
prioritize their
activities
, the most
important
point is that academic studies should
be focused
first
.
Conversely
, it
is required
to allocate a resources(time and money) for
other
activities
as a motivation for
students
.
Therefore
,
universities
would be able not
only
achieve their goals
but
also
students
would
be satisfied
.
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IELTS essay  University should pay equal attention to academic studies and club activities

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
229 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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