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Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. JBD5
To begin with, it is essential to notice that we live in a time of continued action for equality in all fields of life. This battle took place more than 60 years ago and has continued nowadays. Depending on that, I fully agree on the cruciality for our cutting-edge society to provide equal numbers of students in universities for both genders. I must admit that the thought about some 'appropriate' or 'inappropriate specialties' for both students and, unfortunately, this thought hardly affects potential students before enrolling in their further education. For instance, in Ukraine, we can clearly count some women professions, such as teachers, manicurists, or hairdressers, and men, such as software engineers, mechanics, or pilots. Obviously, these labels about gender-appropriate occupations came not in one day and have a huge historical background. Also, even among teaching staff exist some personalities, who fertilize this inequality between genders. In my experience, when I was studying at the university I met a professor, who hardly insisted that women were created for love, not for education. So, it is a good solution to settle an independent department in the governance system which can control all processes, including enrolling and education. In conclusion, the country has lost a vast majority of talented professionals just on a gender basis. As might be expected, this issue in the initial stage might influence the coming prosperity of the country. In that case, the best solution is to provide an equal amount of women and men students at universities.
To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is essential to notice that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a time of continued action for equality in all fields of life. This battle took place more than 60 years ago and has continued nowadays. Depending on that, I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
on the
Possible spelling mistake found.
cruciality
for our cutting-edge society to provide equal numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in universities for both genders.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
admit that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
'appropriate' or 'inappropriate specialties' for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and, unfortunately, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
hardly affects potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
enrolling in their
further
education.
For instance
, in Ukraine, we can
clearly
count
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
women professions, such as teachers, manicurists, or hairdressers, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
, such as software engineers, mechanics, or pilots.
Obviously
, these labels about gender-appropriate occupations came not in one day and have a huge historical background.

Also
, even among teaching staff exist
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
personalities, who fertilize this inequality between genders. In my experience, when I was studying at the university I met a professor, who hardly insisted that women
were created
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, not for education.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
solution to settle an independent department in the governance system which can control all processes, including enrolling and education.

In conclusion
, the country has lost a vast majority of talented professionals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
on a gender basis. As might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
, this issue in the initial stage might influence the coming prosperity of the country.
In that case
, the best solution is to provide an equal amount of women and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
at universities.

IELTS essay Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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