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Entertainment has become the part and parcel of our daily life.

Entertainment has become the part and parcel of our daily life. V3DA
I totally agree with the view that entertainers are paid too much money. I would say this is obnoxious and insane. The efforts laid down by the entertainers with the proportion of money they charge is not at all in proportion to the industry and economic standards. This profession of entertainment is very simple but hyped to the core. The entertainers are human being and not to be treated as Gods of the universe. I have observed that entertainers like pop stars are indeed being worshipped in many parts of India which is not because of the quality of work but all due to the money they charge for their act. This is just a tip of the iceberg. Many film stars for a presence in a small function as chief guest would charge a whooping six-digit figure and will add demands and wish list which is not at all required. When it comes to sport stars the money, they charge is not for the sports they play rather for the style and appearance which is irrelevant. If the sports star fails to perform in his/her sports, it is all because of the high paid money. They do not bother about the sentiment of the sport but only care about the money. Other than the entertainment profession, medical professions should be highly paid. Doctors and nurses will research and study more with the high paid money and will come up with better medicines and ways of treatment. This will in turn benefit mankind and will build towards the development of economic growth. If more money paid to medical researchers, then they can work hard with advance technology to find cure for many diseases like COVID-19 which will make the world a better and safe place to live. In nutshell, I am in agreement that entertainers in today’s world are over paid for the profession they are in and the work they do rather the money should be spent more in medical research, doctors and nurses which will benefit the entire universe.
I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. I would say this is obnoxious and insane. The efforts laid down by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
with the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charge
is not at all in proportion to the industry and economic standards.

This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
of entertainment is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
simple
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
hyped to the core. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
are human being and not to
be treated
as Gods of the universe. I have observed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
like pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
are
indeed
being
Possible spelling mistake. 'worshipped' is British English.
worshipped
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of India which is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the quality of work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
all due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charge
for their act. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a tip of the iceberg.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
film
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
for a presence in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
function as chief guest would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charge
a whooping six-digit figure and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
demands and wish list which is not at all required. When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charge
is not for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
they play
rather
for the style and appearance which is irrelevant. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
star fails to perform in his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, it is all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. They do not bother about the sentiment of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
care about the money.

Other than the entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
, medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
should be
highly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
. Doctors and nurses will research and study more with the high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with better medicines and ways of treatment. This will in turn benefit mankind and will build towards the development of economic growth. If more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
to medical researchers, then they can work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
with advance technology to find cure for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases like COVID-19 which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the world a better and safe place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.

In nutshell, I am in agreement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world are over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
they are in and the work they do
rather
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should
be spent
more in medical research, doctors and nurses which will benefit the entire universe.
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IELTS essay Entertainment has become the part and parcel of our daily life.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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