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In some countries young people are encouraged to travel or work for a year between finishing high school and starting universities studying. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

In some countries young people are encouraged to travel or work for a year between finishing high school and starting universities studying. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. 8RKV
To begin with, it is essential to notice that a lot of people who have a high degree do not work in their specialties. Also, some students have issues with studying and might be excluded from the university. Sometimes there seemed to be mistakes in choosing or acknowledging their own desires and preferences. To avoid such inconvenience it is a great array to take a year break from studying. The main advantage is free time. Time for discovering yourself, a potential student might open new fields for interest, meet new people and expand new horizons. In my opinion, it could be so useful when a student has an opportunity to travel and study unknown languages. For sure, while traveling, there appear to be many difficulties to handle with and this tough time might be so helpful in university life. Moreover, some countries have high fees for studying and fewer prospective students could afford it. As a result, it is a good option to work during the break and collect some money. But working without education might be so tricky. When a fresh graduate understands that it may be so easy to make a profit from being a waiter or part-time seller they can be stuck at this point forever. Also, there may be over-free time, and teenagers start to spend time on bad things such as drugs, alcohol overuse, or criminal violence. In other words, it might affect all their life and they never enroll in the university. Finally, even if nothing happened during this break, it would be so complicated to come back to self-discipline. As a result, it is especially important to have the right to choose for prospective students, if they are ready to continue their education or not.
To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is essential to notice that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have a high degree do not work in their specialties.
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have issues with studying and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be excluded
from the university.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
there seemed to be mistakes in choosing or acknowledging their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
desires and preferences. To avoid such inconvenience it is a great array to take a year break from studying.

The main advantage is free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Time
for discovering yourself, a potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
open new fields for interest,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and expand new horizons. In my opinion, it could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
useful when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
has an opportunity to travel and study unknown languages. For sure, while traveling, there appear to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
difficulties to handle with and this tough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
helpful in university life.

Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries have high fees for studying and fewer prospective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
could afford it.
As a result
, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
option to work during the break and collect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
working without education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
tricky. When a fresh graduate understands that it may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a profit from being a waiter or part-time seller they can
be stuck
at this point forever.

Also
, there may be over-free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things such as drugs, alcohol overuse, or criminal violence.
In other words
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
affect all their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
they never enroll in the university.
Finally
, even if nothing happened during this break, it would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
complicated to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back to self-discipline.

As a result
, it is
especially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to have the right to choose for prospective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, if they are ready to continue their education or not.
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IELTS essay In some countries young people are encouraged to travel or work for a year between finishing high school and starting universities studying. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
292 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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