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type of sports in boys and girls

type of sports in boys and girls m59EN
Everyone in their life need to have some hobbies and interests. It may depend on many factors such as gender, age, type of personality, etc. Nowadays, due to the corona pandemic virus some hobbies like play computer games are popular than the others and I think children and even students fill their free time with play computer games. In fact, some sports or hobbies are more popular for the boys rather than the other activities like swimming. Swimming is one of the favorite sports between girls in each group of age beside playing tennis. Also some of boys like playing tennis but because of their character most of them prefer to do sports which more physically. On the other hand, girls don’t like playing football very much because it’s a rough game and has a lot of dangerous. Finally, we understand that in these days both of boys and girls like playing computer games because it’s various choices that you may have to select the type of sports and after that we realize that selection of hobbies and interests are strongly related to gender and type of personality.
Everyone in their life need to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
and interests. It may depend on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors such as gender, age, type of personality, etc.

Nowadays, due to the corona pandemic virus
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
like play computer games are
Use "(popular)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
popular
than the others and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
children and even students fill their free time with play computer games.

In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
are more popular for the boys
rather
than the other activities like swimming. Swimming is one of the favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
between girls in each group of age beside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
tennis.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
After 'some of', you should use 'the' ("some of the boys") or simply say "some boys".
some of boys
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
tennis
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their character most of them prefer to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
which more
physically
.

On the other hand
, girls don’t like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
football
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it’s a rough game and has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
.

Finally
, we understand that in these days both of boys and girls like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Did you mean "its various choices"?
it’s various choices
that you may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
select the type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and after that we realize that selection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
and interests are
strongly
related to gender and type of personality.
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IELTS essay type of sports in boys and girls

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
188 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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