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TV is harmful for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

TV is harmful for children. with this statement? 06WWq
Over the past forty to fifty years, television sets have become standard pieces of equipment in most homes, and watching television has become a common activity for most families. Obviously, this must have an effect on children’s development. Although there are many excellent programs for young viewers, I would argue that television can have a detrimental influence on children for three main reasons. First of all, certain types of programs can have a harmful effect on children’s emotional and behavioural development. Police stories and action movies, for example, often contain a great deal of violence. People are beaten up and killed with guns, knives and even cars. Seeing this, some children might think that these things could easily happen to themselves at any time and therefore become frightened. Moreover, some might begin to think that violence is a normal, acceptable form of behavior because they see it so often on television. As a result, they may become aggressive and may hurt both themselves and their playmates. Second, television can impair children’s reading ability. Reading requires skills and brain processes that watching television does not. If children watch television for too many hours each day, they do not have the chance to practice the skills that they need in order to learn how to read. Finally, television may impact on children’s schoolwork in other ways. If they spend too much time watching television, they may get behind in their homework. In addition, if they stay up to watch a late night movie, they may fall asleep in class the next day. Consequently, they will not learn their lessons and they could even fail in school. To summarize, if children watch too much television or watch the wrong programs, their personalities can be harmed. Furthermore, their progress in school can be affected. It is vital, therefore, that parents should find out what programs their children are watching and take appropriate steps to counteract any harmful effects. This should include turning off the television so that their children will study.
Over the past forty to fifty years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
sets have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
standard pieces of equipment in most homes, and watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a common activity for most families.
Obviously
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have an effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
development. Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
excellent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
for young viewers, I would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
can have a detrimental influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for three main reasons.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, certain types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
can have a harmful effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
emotional and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
development. Police stories and action movies,
for example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
contain a great deal of violence.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are beaten
up and killed with guns, knives and even cars. Seeing this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that these things could
easily
happen to themselves at any time and
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
frightened.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that violence is a normal, acceptable form of behavior
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
.
As a result
, they may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
aggressive and may hurt both themselves and their playmates.

Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
can impair
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
reading ability. Reading requires
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and brain processes that watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
does not. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
for too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours each day, they do not have the chance to practice the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that they need in order to learn how to read.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
may impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
schoolwork in other ways. If they spend too much time watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
behind in their homework.
In addition
, if they stay up to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
a late night movie, they may fall asleep in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
the
next
day.
Consequently
, they will not learn their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lessons and
they could even fail in school.

To summarize
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
, their personalities can
be harmed
.
Furthermore
, their progress in school can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
. It is vital,
therefore
, that parents should find out what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are watching and take appropriate steps to counteract any harmful effects. This should include turning off the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will study.
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IELTS essay TV is harmful for children. with this statement?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
337 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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