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Tuition fees are getting higher and employment rate is declining

Tuition fees are getting higher and employment rate is declining RwdLG
As the tuition fees for universities keep getting higher and higher, there has been a decline in the employment rates for graduate students which have led a few people to say that only practical degrees which will increase the chances of employment should be taught and art subjects such as, philosophy and history should be cancelled. In my opinion, as much as practical knowledge is important for students for jobs, art subjects play a major role in shaping and moulding a human beings thought process and personality. Firstly, the rising fees of universities are an issue for a number of students since the employment rate has been sinking. The amount of people taking up a loan from various sources for completing their education has been the highest, whereas the employment status has been the complete opposite. Learning subjects and getting hands-on experience in degree boosts the probability of landing a job since it makes the student develop a certain skill set which is essential for a job. A practical course also gives students the opportunity to work in an office like environment where they learn to thrive under pressure and not succumb to it. Even though practical degrees play a huge role, art subjects are essential for a person. History teaches students where they come from and how did it come into existence, it can also turn a students curiosity into archaeology. Philosophy is an art that turns students into great thinkers and writers, it makes them see the world in a different light and show us alternative realities in fiction or what we could be. Overall, students should be guided about the courses they take and all the possible outcomes that come with them, but practical degrees are as important as art because both should co-exist to live a balanced, happy and entertained life.
As the tuition fees for universities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
getting higher and higher, there has been a decline in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
rates for graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
which have led a few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to say that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degrees
which will increase the chances of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
should
be taught
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as, philosophy and history should
be cancelled
.

In my opinion, as much as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
knowledge is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for jobs,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
play a major role in shaping and
Possible spelling mistake. 'moulding' is British English.
moulding
a human beings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
process and personality.

Firstly
, the rising fees of universities are an issue for a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
rate has been sinking. The amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
taking up a loan from various sources for completing their education has been the highest, whereas the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
status has been the complete opposite. Learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and getting hands-on experience in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
boosts the probability of landing a job since it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
develop a certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
set which is essential for a job. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
course
also
gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
the opportunity to work in an office like environment where they learn to thrive under pressure and not succumb to it.

Even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degrees
play a huge role,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are essential for a person. History teaches
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from and how did it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
into existence, it can
also
turn a
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "students'" or "student's"?
students
curiosity into archaeology. Philosophy is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
that turns
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
into great thinkers and writers, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the world in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
light and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
us alternative realities in fiction or what we could be.

Overall
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be guided
about the courses they take and all the possible outcomes that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degrees
are as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
both should co-exist to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a balanced, happy and entertained life.
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IELTS essay Tuition fees are getting higher and employment rate is declining

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
305 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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