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Traning for work is far important than giving a broad-based education. How far do you agree to this view?

In this fast-paced era, it is more important to have skills related to work, than just knowing about it. Theoretical information is not that helpful in work. Thus, gaining practical knowledge is more important. I advocate this notation and this essay will be discussed about this in the upcoming paragraph. First of all, theoretical knowledge has no use in practical work. Moreover, nowadays, books are not updated with new technology. For instance, in India, the education system is completely based on books. Hence, the student does not get a job after completing their study and they need to join the training program for getting skill related to their field. On the other hand, skilled worker easily gets work for their livelihood because they have experience with their work. Moreover, industries only hire a worker with skill. For example, giant tech companies, Merely hire experienced staff and do not want to waste their time with people with no work experience. Thus, it is necessary to have work experience or training for work for the future. However, sometimes, many multinational companies provide training for new staff. But, small local companies can not afford its cost. So, opportunities are lessor those who only have board-based knowledge and information. To recapitulate, theoretical knowledge is required in some aspects but, for work in today's atmosphere, having updated skill is more important. It is better to have field experience in this competitive era.
In this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced era, it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
knowing about it. Theoretical information is not that helpful in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Thus
, gaining practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. I advocate this notation and this essay will be
Did you mean simply “discussed this”? You do not need the word “about” here.
discussed about this
in the upcoming paragraph.
Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
, theoretical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
has no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Moreover
, nowadays, books are not updated with new technology.
For instance
, in India, the education system is completely based on books.
Hence
, the student does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job after completing their
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
study and
they need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the training program for getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
related to their field.
On the other hand
, skilled worker
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for their livelihood
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Moreover
, industries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
hire a worker with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
.
For example
, giant tech
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
,
Merely
hire experienced staff and do not want to waste their time with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
.
Thus
, it is necessary to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
or training for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for the future.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
provide training for new staff.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
can not afford its cost.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, opportunities are lessor those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have board-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and information. To recapitulate, theoretical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
is required
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aspects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's atmosphere, having updated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. It is better to have field
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
in this competitive era.
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IELTS essay Traning for work is far important than giving a broad-based education. How far do you agree to this view?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
237 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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