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Traffic accidents are among the major causes of mortality all over the world. What are some reasons and solutions for it?

Traffic accidents are among the major causes of mortality all over the world. What are some reasons and solutions for it? 7pkd3
Nowadays, the ways of moving has developed significantly, following that, a tons of traffic accidents have happened on the roads. This problem happens due to some reasons and effective measures should be taken to deal with it. Several reason can explain why accidents occur on the roads. Firstly, most of people in the big cities use private cars, that leads to a crowded volume of transport. Secondly, using alcohol or talking telephone when driving also leads to accidents. Indeed, according to a report, approximately a third of car accidents in the US is due to drunk driving. Another subjective reason is the quality of traffic infrastructure, many roads cannot meet the development of the number of transports. However, there are various workable solutions that individuals as well as government could take to tackle the problem. Firstly, every person need to raises their awareness of traffic laws and the consequences of traffic accidents. Secondly, if it is possible they can use public transports instead of own vehicles. In term of government, the policy makers may introduce a stricter law. Strict punishments can certainly help to encourage people to drive more safety. Other way in order to solve this issue is the city councils could reduce road accidents by investing in better public transports, which would mean that fewer people would need to travel by car. In conclusion, this problem begins from several reasons, but we could implement a range of measures to address this problem.
Nowadays, the ways of moving has developed
significantly
, following that,
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a ton" or simply "tons"?
a tons
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
have happened on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
happens due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
and effective measures should
be taken
to deal with it.

Several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
occur on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
.
Firstly
, most of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
private cars, that leads to a crowded volume of transport.
Secondly
, using alcohol or talking telephone when driving
also
leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
.
Indeed
, according to a report, approximately a third of car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
in the US is due to drunk driving. Another subjective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
infrastructure,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the development of the number of transports.

However
, there are various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
workable
solutions that individuals
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could take to tackle the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
Firstly
, every person need to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "raise".
raises
their awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
laws and the consequences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
.
Secondly
, if it is possible they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
public transports
instead
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
vehicles. In term of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, the
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
policy makers
may introduce a stricter law. Strict punishments can
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to drive more safety. Other way in order to solve this issue is the city councils could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
by investing in better public transports, which would mean that fewer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would need to travel by car.

In conclusion
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
from several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we could implement a range of measures to address this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
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IELTS essay Traffic accidents are among the major causes of mortality all over the world. What are some reasons and solutions for it?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
244 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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