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tourism affects enviroment badly. agree or disagree?

tourism affects enviroment badly. agree or disagree? dGE6
Nowadays, the commonly held view is that adolescents should take a year off to travel before studying or starting a professional career. Teenagers can acquire valuable opportunities and discover their aspirations through the gap year. Some people believe that spending time on travel is an unnecessary desire, in my opinion, however, young people achieve worthwhile experiences to change their perspective in a good way. Obviously, a one-year break provides some opportunities which can broaden your worldview by experience in a different society. As a consequence of travelling to different places, adolescents can be familiar with a wide range of rituals, customs and traditions. In addition, they have the chance various kinds of experiences. For instance, a youth working as a waiter/waitress in a restaurant in a foreign country can improve language skills and communication with people.
Nowadays, the
commonly
held view is that adolescents should take a year off to travel
before
studying or starting a professional career.
Teenagers
can acquire valuable opportunities and discover their aspirations through the gap year.
Some
people
believe that spending time on travel is an unnecessary desire, in my opinion,
however
, young
people
achieve worthwhile experiences to
change
their perspective in a
good
way.

Obviously
, a one-year break provides
some
opportunities which can broaden your worldview by experience in a
different
society. As a consequence of travelling to
different
places, adolescents can be familiar with a wide range of rituals, customs and traditions.
In addition
, they have the chance various kinds of experiences.
For instance
, a youth working as a waiter/waitress in a restaurant in a foreign country can
improve
language
skills
and communication with
people
.
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IELTS essay tourism affects enviroment badly. agree or disagree?

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
136 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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