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Topic: The chart shows the proportions of pupils attending four secondary school types between 2000 and 2009 v.1

Topic: The chart shows the proportions of pupils attending four secondary school types between 2000 and 2009 v. 1
Improvement of the health care system in the 21st century has led to the low mortality rate in young people, which in turn has led to a growing figure of the young population in countries worldwide. Most countries today witness more statistics of young people and less of older people. This essay will discuss the negative and positive impacts. One advantage of a larger percentage of young adults when compared to the old in a country is the increase in the workforce. Most countries in the world with a vibrant labour force today, owe it to a huge sum of the younger populace. Research reported in the media claims that the quality of workforce seen in developing countries can be attributed to the sum of young people. In short, it can be said that the large population of young adults can be equated to an improved human resource. Furthermore, having more young people in a country can lead to more innovation. A case in point is that the minds of young adults are known to be more vibrant, flexible and energetic. Such minds undoubtedly make breakthroughs in scientific research, medicine and academics. A recent poll in the United States discovered that most innovations in the aforementioned fields were mostly made by teeming young minds. A rise in the statistics of the young without a doubt leads to innovation in every society. Despite these positive impacts, there are drawbacks. A larger young adults might not be favourable to under- developed countries. Although an active population of young brains leads to innovation and a strong workforce, but when there is no good labour market to absorb these intelligent minds, it invariably leads to increased of dependants. For example, most third world countries with a high proportion of young adults, compared with older people surprisingly record a high dependency ratio. In conclusion, although there are positives and negatives related to both sides, I believe that the disadvantages are more.
Improvement of the health care system in the 21st century has led to the low mortality rate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which in turn has led to a growing figure of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
population in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
worldwide. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
witness more statistics of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and less of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This essay will discuss the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts.

One advantage of a larger percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
when compared to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is the increase in the workforce. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in the world with a vibrant
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
force
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, owe it to a huge sum of the younger populace. Research reported in the media claims that the quality of workforce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can
be attributed
to the sum of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In short, it can
be said
that the large population of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
can
be equated
to an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
human resource.

Furthermore
, having more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
innovation
. A case in point is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minds
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
are known
to be more vibrant, flexible and energetic. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minds
undoubtedly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
breakthroughs in scientific research, medicine and academics. A recent poll in the United States discovered that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
innovations
in the aforementioned fields were
mostly
made by teeming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minds
. A rise in the statistics of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
without a doubt leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
innovation
in every society.

Despite these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts, there are drawbacks. A larger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
might not be
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
to under- developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Although an active population of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
brains leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
innovation
and a strong workforce,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when there is no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
market to absorb these intelligent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minds
, it
invariably
leads to increased of
Possible spelling mistake found.
dependants
.
For example
, most third world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
with a high proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
, compared with older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
surprisingly
record a high dependency ratio.

In conclusion
, although there are positives and negatives related to both sides, I believe that the disadvantages are more.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Topic: The chart shows the proportions of pupils attending four secondary school types between 2000 and 2009 v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
326 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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