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Topic: Some people say that schools should concentrate on teaching students academic subjects that will be useful for their future careers. Other people say that subjects such as music and sports are also necessary. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Topic: Some people say that schools should concentrate on teaching students academic subjects that will be useful for their future careers. Other people say that subjects such as music and sports are also necessary. P9wK
Finding a good education program is always challenging for any school. While there are many places that focus on academic subjects that will support future students’ careers, others aim to build a diverse program with many non-academic subjects such as sport or music. Although it is difficult to convince which one is better, I believe that the second one can educate and develop students in a balanced way. On the one hand, academic subjects supporting students’ future careers are very important. First, they can build fundamental knowledge for them to adapt to the diversity of career requirements. For example, an IT student who is good at basic programming skills can easily work in different software companies with different programming languages. Furthermore, academic subjects that are related to career can bring students close to the practical environment of the industry. The practical knowledge from these subjects can mitigate the gap between theory and industry which helps students to find a job and work in a new environment easier. On the other hand, focusing only on academic subjects might make students lost balance in the development. Instead, many schools aim to build a diverse program with many non-academic subjects such as sports and music. The first reason is that they recognize the importance of having good physic in education. With strong and healthy students, schools can provide a good labor force for society. Besides that, non-academic subjects such as music and art can improve the students’ mental, such as stimulating their imagination and thinking. In conclusion, academic subjects are very important in the education program in school, especially such subjects that support students’ careers. However, I believe that we should have a diverse program with many other subjects in order to educate students in a balanced and efficient way
Finding a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
is always challenging for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
places that focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that will support future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
, others aim to build a diverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as sport or music. Although it is difficult to convince which one is better, I believe that the second one can educate and develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in a balanced way.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
First
, they can build fundamental knowledge for them to adapt to the diversity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
requirements.
For example
, an IT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
who is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
at basic programming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
can
easily
work in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
software
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
programming languages.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that
are related
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
can bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
close to the practical environment of the industry. The practical knowledge from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
can mitigate the gap between theory and industry which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to find a job and work in a new environment easier.

On the other hand
, focusing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
lost balance in the development.
Instead
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
aim to build a diverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as sports and music. The
first
reason is that they recognize the importance of having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
physic in education. With strong and healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can provide a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
labor force for society.
Besides
that, non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as music and art can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
mental, such as stimulating their imagination and thinking.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in the education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
especially
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
.
However
, I believe that we should have a diverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in order to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in a balanced and efficient way
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IELTS essay Topic: Some people say that schools should concentrate on teaching students academic subjects that will be useful for their future careers. Other people say that subjects such as music and sports are also necessary.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Topic: Some people say that schools should concentrate on teaching students academic subjects that will be useful for their future careers. Other people say that subjects such as music and sports are also necessary. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.