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TOPIC: PEOPLE IN THE LIMELIGHT HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY TO SET AN EXAMPLE FOR OTHERS BY THEIR BEHAVIOR. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?

TOPIC: PEOPLE IN THE LIMELIGHT HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY TO SET AN EXAMPLE FOR OTHERS BY THEIR BEHAVIOR. 9YNrx
People have been arguing about whether or not celebrities have to set an example for others by their behavior. While there are some great support for the statement that people in the limelight do not need to have a responsibility to influence others, I still belive that they have a profound impact on the public. To begin with, celebrities must be cautious of their public behavior for several reasons, the most important of which is that they are idolized by millions of people all over the world. As far as I’m concerned, celebrities these days are prominently famous due to their appearance and lifestyle in place of their outstanding achievements. If they appear with a positive image in the media, their followers are likely to take pride in them and modify their own behavior to resemble these so-called mentors. Thus, a celebrity can make a trend not only by their styles but also by their behavior to the public. For instance, Miss Grand International 2021 Nguyen Thuc Thuy Tien said “each of us are the part of changing the world, we are our own hero” as an inspiration to our community and raise an awareness among people, espcially, youngster. This is a great opportunity for them to make a positive contribution to the world. By contrast, public exposure is one of the prices of fame and power. If a person goes into influencer, has sexual affairs, and is caught, it is he/she who is to be blamed for the distress caused to his/her family, fans and public opinions. To sum up, celebrities need to be responsible for their action and perform themselves in a good manner because they in some cases represent a nation and are followed by a horde of people.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have been arguing about
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
set an example for others by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
great support for the statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the limelight do not need to have a responsibility to influence others, I
still
Possible spelling mistake found.
belive
that they have a profound impact on the public.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be cautious of their public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
for several reasons, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
of which is that they
are idolized
by millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all over the world. As far as I’m concerned,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
these days are
prominently
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
due to their appearance and lifestyle in place of their outstanding achievements. If they appear with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
image in the media, their followers are likely to take pride in them and modify their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
to resemble these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
-called mentors.
Thus
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a trend not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by their styles
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
to the public.

For instance
, Miss Grand International 2021 Nguyen
Possible spelling mistake found.
Thuc
Possible spelling mistake found.
Thuy
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tien
said “each of us are the part of changing the world, we are our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
hero” as an inspiration to our community and raise an awareness among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
espcially
, youngster. This is a great opportunity for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
contribution to the world. By contrast, public exposure is one of the prices of fame and power. If a person goes into influencer, has sexual affairs, and
is caught
, it is he/she who is to
be blamed
for the distress caused to his/her family, fans and public opinions.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
need to be responsible for their action and perform themselves in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
manner
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases represent a nation and
are followed
by a horde of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS essay TOPIC: PEOPLE IN THE LIMELIGHT HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY TO SET AN EXAMPLE FOR OTHERS BY THEIR BEHAVIOR.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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