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Too many young people these days are unhealthy and or overweight What advice would you give somebody who wanted to become fit and healthy

Too many young people these days are unhealthy and or overweight What advice would you give somebody who wanted to become fit and healthy 9LYA3
Teen obesity is common nowadays and causes many severe diseases in a later stage. Young people often neglect the overweight and continue sedentary life without eating habits or diets. No one can deny that there are ways in which overweight youngsters can avoid that problem and I will provide explanation in the following essay. First to begin with, teens should make exercises regularly in order to keep their bodies fit and good health conditions. It is scientifically proved that the physical exertion helps regulate blood pressure and maintain body fats. Moreover, visiting a gym in a weekly basis not only prevents from overweight that can instigate illnesses, but also contributes for attaining slender and fit body. My little brother had a little more weight than usual for kids in his age and I took drastic measures to prevent him form further obesity with consequences. Therefore, I took him to a sport center where he can take up swimming in order to shape his muscles and do aerobic activity. At the beginning my little shy brother was not very happy to go alone and that's why I accompanied him. I killed two birds with one stone, while I was going with my brother to make him feel confident and calm I also used the equipment at the gym to keep my fit as well. Furthermore, young people can change their eating habits to prevent obesity and unhealthiness. By cutting down on sugars and fatty comestibles they will balance their cholesterol with is a main factor for people's health condition. There is no shortage of opinion that kids especially are addicted to junk food because they are tasty and turn on the receptors. However, there are many other delicious foods containing fiber and sufficient amount of proteins and carbs which are healthy as well and young people should consume them more often. For instance my dad had a high cholesterol 3 years ago and a doctor told him to give up eating carbs. Then he went on a balanced diet without eating bread, also started an active life. Every Sunday morning he makes jogging in nearby park and now he feels more energized. In a nutshell, young overweight people should undertake immediate actions to prevent eating disorders and more severe implications. Exercises and a balanced diet are beneficial to young people as it can make them slim and healthy, therefore I believe that should turn into a lifestyle.
Teen obesity is common nowadays and causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
severe diseases in a later stage.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
neglect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
and continue sedentary life without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
habits or diets. No one can deny that there are ways in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
youngsters can avoid that problem and I will provide explanation in the following essay.

First
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, teens should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
exercises
regularly
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their bodies fit and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health conditions. It is
scientifically
proved that the physical exertion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
regulate blood pressure and maintain body fats.
Moreover
, visiting a gym in a weekly basis not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevents
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
that can instigate illnesses,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
contributes for attaining slender and fit body. My
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
brother had a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
more weight than usual for kids in his age and I took drastic measures to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevent
him form
further
obesity with consequences.
Therefore
, I took him to a sport center where he can take up swimming in order to shape his muscles and do aerobic activity. At the beginning my
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
shy brother was not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
happy to go alone and that's why I accompanied him. I killed two birds with one stone, while I was going with my brother to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
him feel confident and calm I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the equipment at the gym to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
my fit
as well
.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
habits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevent
obesity and unhealthiness. By cutting down on sugars and fatty comestibles they will balance their cholesterol with is a main factor for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health condition. There is no shortage of opinion that kids
especially
are addicted
to junk food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are tasty and turn on the receptors.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other delicious foods containing fiber and sufficient amount of proteins and carbs which are healthy
as well
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should consume them more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
.
For instance
my dad had a high cholesterol 3 years ago and a doctor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
him to give up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
carbs. Then he went on a balanced diet without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
bread,
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
an active life. Every Sunday morning he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
jogging in nearby park and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
he feels more energized.

In a nutshell,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should undertake immediate actions to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
disorders and more severe implications. Exercises and a balanced diet are beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them slim and healthy,
therefore
I believe that should turn into a lifestyle.
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IELTS essay Too many young people these days are unhealthy and or overweight What advice would you give somebody who wanted to become fit and healthy

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
406 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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