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The world today faces a lot of problems Outline a few of these problems and suggest some things that ordinary people could do to make the world a better place

The world today faces a lot of problems Outline a few of these problems and suggest some things that ordinary people could do to make the world a better place OVE33
Problems that world faces have major impact on people's lives and likewise their self-esteem. Although, there are potentials to find solutions for all global issues, we are still far from the there. I will point out some of the problems in the following essay. Fist of all, there are inequality in numerous fields. Some people are more preferred to work for companies rather than others with same qualities and knowledge, however different religious, sexual orientation or nationalities. Discrimination is commonly issue among some nations and as a modern society we must undermine it. The process has started as a form of caveat and I will never forget how 3 years ago people with different sexuality were on stake against xenophobia. At a positive glance many more people affiliated the protest, and year after a small positive light was seen. If those people had not gone to fight against prejudices, changes would not have been available. Everyone has his own choice, therefore we must tolerate their choices even though different from our perceptions. What's more is that lately, the world has faced exponential pollution. No one can deny that multitudinous factories emit greenhouse gases that are noxious for humanity. Moreover, unceasing car movement emit fumes and unleaded gases that are toxic. According to researches and statistics Shanghai is one of the most polluted cities in the world and moreover it is dense populated. Consequently, many people might get sick or suffer form respiratory diseases. As it is not only Shanghai, but also many other metropolises immediate solutions are need. For example, a solution might be when all vehicles substitute fossil fuels with bio fuels or introducing of the electric cars. Lastly but not least, the world is to repeal the terrorism which has engulfed the world. Many extremist organizations soared and carry out attacks due to their religious beliefs or following genocide over other nations. Innocent people are in big threat, if something doesn't change in a better way. Many seeking for refugee and tranquil life in normal countries, because they suffer from poverty and hunger. However, we should not mistake them as emigrants that search for life in other countries after they learn a particular language. Punctilious immigration measures are need it to prevent terrorist attacks and find refugees only for those who are not potential threat and give them civil rights. In conclusion, there are many global problems that have to be solved and wee humans have the ability to make things happen. Some of that are inequalities based of racial, sexual and national differences. Also, a pollution is a sever danger around the world and we are a interdependent society should find a solution. Along with that, people's lives are at stake from terrorism and many places have been destroyed, some part of UNESCO.
Problems that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
faces have major impact on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and
likewise
their self-esteem. Although, there are potentials to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
for all global issues, we are
still
far from the there. I will point out
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
problems in the following essay.

Fist of all, there are inequality in numerous fields.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more preferred to work for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
rather
than others with same qualities and knowledge,
however
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
religious, sexual orientation or nationalities. Discrimination is
commonly
Consider using a past participle here: "issued".
issue
among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations and as a modern society we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
undermine it. The process has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
as a form of caveat and I will never forget how 3 years ago
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sexuality were on stake against xenophobia. At a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
glance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
affiliated the protest, and year after a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
light was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
. If those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had not gone to fight against prejudices,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
would not have been available. Everyone has his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choice,
therefore
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
tolerate their choices
even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from our perceptions.

What's more is that lately, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
has faced exponential pollution. No one can deny that multitudinous factories emit greenhouse gases that are noxious for humanity.
Moreover
, unceasing car movement emit fumes and unleaded gases that are toxic. According to researches and statistics Shanghai is one of the most polluted cities in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and
moreover
it is dense populated.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sick or suffer form respiratory diseases. As it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Shanghai,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
metropolises immediate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
are need
.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
might be when all vehicles substitute fossil fuels with
This word is normally spelled as one.
bio fuels
or introducing of the electric cars.

Lastly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is to repeal the terrorism which has engulfed the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
extremist organizations soared and carry out attacks due to their religious beliefs or following genocide over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nations. Innocent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
threat, if something doesn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in a better way.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
seeking for refugee and tranquil life in normal countries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they suffer from poverty and hunger.
However
, we should not mistake them as emigrants that search for life in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries after they learn a particular language. Punctilious immigration measures
are need
it to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
terrorist attacks and find refugees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for those who are not potential threat and give them civil rights.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
global problems that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be solved
and wee humans have the ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
things happen.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of that are inequalities based of racial, sexual and national differences.
Also
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "pollution".
a pollution
is a sever
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
around the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
world and
we are
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
interdependent society should find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
. Along with that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
are at stake from terrorism and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
places have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part of UNESCO.
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IELTS essay The world today faces a lot of problems Outline a few of these problems and suggest some things that ordinary people could do to make the world a better place

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
466 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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