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When we want good health conditions physical activities are necessary Some people like solo activities like running work out etc others prefer to be in a group like team sports Which do you prefer and why

When we want good health conditions physical activities are necessary Some people like solo activities like running work out etc others prefer to be in a group like team sports Which do you prefer and why jRQKX
A physical activities are crucial when we talk about good health and there are many choices among them. I stand of the opinion that group exercises like team sports are better and I will explain why I feel like that in the subsequent paragraphs. First, when we are involved is sports with numerous people we can create and retain substantial social contacts. Meeting many person can help you develop your communication skills. Moreover this leads to future interactions out of the particular sport. For instance when I was toddler my dad decided to involve me in the city martial art club. In the fragile age of seven, I practiced karate diligently 3 times per week. In the beginning I didn't like it and I wanted to resign, however after two months I craved to go even more often. The lessons required many of us to practice this amazing martial art together, which led to solid friendships and I am so thankful because I still keep in touch with some of the alumni. Second being assemble with others when doing physical activities or sports can definitely be avail, due to people's help when necessary. Once we make something wrong, there is always partner to show you where you make wrong and to gives you advice. Each individual in certain area has different experience and knowledge, hence we can get proper information and recommendation in order to achieve our objectives. No one can deny that people learn from others when giving effort in physical activities. In conclusion I would say that is undisputed more acceptable when we practice sports in group of people, because we can make robust connections and friendships likewise to get useful advice when we struggle accomplish our desire result.
A physical
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "activity"?
activities
are crucial when we talk about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
choices among them. I stand of the opinion that group exercises like team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are better and I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why I feel like that in the subsequent paragraphs.

First
, when we
are involved
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
with numerous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
we can create and retain substantial social contacts. Meeting
Possible agreement error. The noun person seems to be countable; consider using: "many people", "many persons".
many person
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you develop your communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
this leads to future interactions out of the particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
For instance
when I was toddler my dad decided to involve me in the city martial art club. In the fragile age of seven, I practiced karate
diligently
3 times per week. In the beginning I didn't like it and I wanted to resign,
however
after two months I craved to go even more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
. The lessons required
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of us to practice this amazing martial art together, which led to solid
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
friendships and
I am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
thankful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
alumni.

Second being assemble with others when doing physical activities or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can definitely be avail, due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
when necessary. Once we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
, there is always partner to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
you where you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
and to gives you advice. Each individual in certain area has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
experience and knowledge,
hence
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
proper information and recommendation in order to achieve our objectives. No one can deny that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
learn from others when giving effort in physical activities.

In
The comma is probably missing here: "conclusion, I".
conclusion I
would say that
is undisputed
more acceptable when we practice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
robust connections and friendships
likewise
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
useful advice when we struggle
This verb is used with the infinitive: "to accomplish"
accomplish
our desire result.
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IELTS essay When we want good health conditions physical activities are necessary Some people like solo activities like running work out etc others prefer to be in a group like team sports Which do you prefer and why

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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